Woman shot in the head, then 3 jokes

Written by chuck on June 22, 2015 – 9:33 am -

welfare section 8


Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?
He was lucky it was a soft drink.


Woman shot in the head

There were five houses of religion in a small town:

Here’s a little fact for automotive buffs, or just to dazzle your friends

An Irishman is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk





If you order from amazon.com please click on the link at the top of my page. I need some income to help pay for the blog. I had three companies that wanted to place ads on my blog. But they are pop-up ads and I hate pop-up ads. I do not like to see them and I am sure you don’t.



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More clean jokes

Written by chuck on June 18, 2015 – 9:43 am -

The Great Lao-Tzu said:


“It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you come to realize that there can be value in solving problems without using violence.”


A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

I spit my coffee out!!! LOL — too cute!!

A Husband and his Wife went to the Doctor.

good luck hillary don't blow it


During his vacation at Martha’s Vineyard, President Obama was slicing off
 the tee on every hole.

He asks his Scottish caddie if he noticed any obvious reasons for his poor
 tee shots, to which the caddie replies:

“Aye, there’s a piece of shyt on the end of yer driver.”

The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddie says:

“Noo, the other end.”

how smart are you004

A highway patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn’t told him about, he finally got enough energy
to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that takes everything with it when you pull it off.

Written in large red letters across the tape was the sentence: Get well quick….. From the nurse you gave a ticket to last week.”


I spit my coffee out!!! LOL — too cute!!

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.

She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.”

She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,

“I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” She knocks on wood for good measure. She then yells,

“I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

baby ols-4-2-15

A Husband and his Wife went to the Doctor.

The Doctor took the Husband in first.

The Husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.

He checked his Blood Pressure and other things, and finally told him he would see his Wife now.

He took her to another cubicle and told her to completely disrobe.
Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.
She did as instructed.

He then told her to turn all the way around in the other direction.

Then he said – Ok you can get dressed now, I will talk to your Husband.

Then the Doctor went into the other office and told the Husband – You can relax . There is nothing wrong with you, I couldn’t get an erection either!!

If you order from amazon.com please click on the link at the top of my page. I need some income to help pay for the blog. I had three companies that wanted to place ads on my blog. But they are pop-up ads and I hate pop-up ads. I do not like to see them and I am sure you don’t.



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Social experiments and a few More jokes…

Written by chuck on June 14, 2015 – 1:00 pm -

Social experiments and a few More jokes…

These social experiments are interesting. Here’s one that shows what happens when the tables are turned: what was seen as an offense requiring intervention becomes mere amusement.

h-Kidding ... right

A  mature (over 70) lady gets pulled over for  speeding… ?

Older  Woman :  Is there a problem, Officer?  
Officer :  Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older  Woman :  Oh, I see.
Officer :  Can I see your license please?

Older  Woman :  I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
Officer :  Don’t have one?

Older  Woman :  Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer :  I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older  Woman :  I can’t do that.
Officer :  Why not?

Older  Woman :  I stole this car.
Officer :  Stole it?

Older  Woman :  Yes, and I killed and hacked up the  owner.  
Officer :  You what?

Older  Woman :  His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see?

The Officer looks at the  woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.  Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer  slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer  2 :  Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle  please! ? The  woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older  woman :  Is there a problem sir?

Officer  2 :  One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and  murdered the owner.

Older  Woman :  Murdered the owner?

Officer  2 :  Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,  please?

The  woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty  trunk.

Officer  2 :  Is this your car, ma’am?

Older  Woman :  Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite  stunned.  

Officer  2 :  One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch  purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the  license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer  2 :  Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a  license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked  up the owner.

Older  Woman :  Bet the liar told you I was speeding,  too.

Don’t  Mess With Mature Ladies If  you want to brighten someone’s day, pass this on to someone you  know. I  just did!

h-Kidding ... right

I feel better after reading this .  .  .           

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much . People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe .

Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.

Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline .  The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. 

The brains of older people do not get weak.? On the contrary, they simply know more

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. 

It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise .

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names .  So, please forward this to your friends; they may be my friends, too .

h-Kidding ... right

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night, so I finally went to a shrink and told  him “I’ve got problems.  Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under my bed!! I’m scared. I think I’m going mad”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year”, said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be  able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge, I asked?”
“$100 per visit”, replied the doctor.
“I’ll think about it”, I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?,” he asked.

“Well, one hundred dollars a visit, three times a week for a year, is $15600.00.  A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a Bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed.  Ain’t nobody under there now.”


h-Kidding ... right

This guy goes into the drug store and asks the pharmacist where the tampons are. The pharmacist directs him to aisle 4. The man comes back in a few minutes with some toilet paper and some cotton balls.

The pharmacist asks the man, “Excuse me, it’s none of my business, but you asked where the tampons were, and now you come to me with toilet paper and cotton balls. Why?”

The man responds: “Well, last night I sent the old lady to the store for a carton of cigarettes, and she brought me a tin of tobacco and some papers. Tonight, she can roll her own!”

If you order from amazon.com please click on the link at the top of my page. I need some income to help pay for the blog. I had three companies that wanted to place ads on my blog. But they are pop-up ads and I hate pop-up ads. I do not like to see them and I am sure you don’t.



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Camp Coleman in Trussville, AL

Written by chuck on June 13, 2015 – 10:10 am -


Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.

Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam’s mother and tell her he is okay.

He can’t write because of the cast.

I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great.

We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn’t been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone.

Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.

Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire, it will blow up?
The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes.

Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed.

It wasn’t his fault about the crash.

The brakes worked okay when we left.

Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance.
We think it’s a super bus.

He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers.

It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24.

He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver.

In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren’t any cops.

All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids.

Scoutmaster Ted wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it’s concrete because we didn’t have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out.

It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters.

He didn’t even get mad about the life jackets.

He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid
merit badges.

When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken.

He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison.

I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster.

He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time.

By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now.

We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo.

Don’t worry about anything.

We are fine and tonight it’s my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster’s tent.

If you order from amazon.com please click on the link at the top of my page. I need some income to help pay for the blog. I had three companies that wanted to place ads on my blog. But they are pop-up ads and I hate pop-up ads. I do not like to see them and I am sure you don’t.



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Very cool inflation calculator plus some funny jokes

Written by chuck on June 13, 2015 – 9:44 am -


Free range chickens were being run over…

Purina diet

Yes! Could you please taste this for me?

click here

The CPI inflation calculator uses the average Consumer Price Index for a given calendar year.

eyes popping out

Farmer Jack once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.

So Farmer Jack called the local police station to complain, “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens,” he said to the local police officer.

“What do you want me to do?” asked the policeman.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign

Three days later Farmer Jack called the policeman and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”

So again, they put up a new sign:? SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY .

That really sped them up. So Farmer Jack called and said, “Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?”

In order to get Farmer Jack off his back said “Sure. Put up your own sign.

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John, “How’s the problem with the speeding drivers. did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.

The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down..

So he drove out to Farmer Jack’s house.

His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.

‘NUDIST COLONY’ ‘Slow down and watch for chicks!’

eyes popping out

Purina diet

I have a Labrador Retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog: (DUH!)

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn’t, because I’d ended up in the hospital last time. But that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a
perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!!!!

eyes popping out

The other day I went over to a nearby CVS Pharmacy. When I got there, I went straight to the back of the store to where the Pharmacists’ Counter is located and took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter.

The pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me.
I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?”

Being I’m a senior citizen…I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me, and picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing.

When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?”

The pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!”

So I said, “Oh thank God! That’s a real relief! My doctor told me to get a pharmacist to test my urine for sugar!”

Well, I can never go back to that CVS, but I really don’t care though, because; they aren’t very friendly there anyway.

If you order from amazon.com please click on the link at the top of my page. I need some income to help pay for the blog. I had three companies that wanted to place ads on my blog. But they are pop-up ads and I hate pop-up ads. I do not like to see them and I am sure you don’t.



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Redneck Family Tree and a few jokes

Written by chuck on June 10, 2015 – 9:37 am -

 A Genuine Miracle caught on video !!! 
Watch as a yellow Ford cures a crippled illegal Mexican as he leaves the U.S. Welfare Office in El Paso, TX



Many many years ago When I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father’s wife.

To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy, I soon became the father
of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother to the widow’s grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father’s wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson,
for he was my daughter’s son.

My wife is now my mother’s mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.

And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.

For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.

eyes popping out

Newfie is visiting Texas and starts a conversation with a Texan at a local bar.

The Texan asks the Newfie where he’s from and the Newfie says, “You know where New York is?”

The Texan says, “Yeh, yeh, I know  where New York is.”

The Newfie says, “Well bye, you just drive north of dere about 6 hours, turn right for 3 hours and catch a 6 hour ferry and you’re there in Newfoundland.”

The Texan says  “That’s got to be close to China!”

The Newfie thinks about this and then says, “Lard  tunderin’ Jaysus bye”, I tink you might be right……. I work with a Chinese guy and he goes home for lunch every day!”

eyes popping out

“Do more than expected.”  W. Jolley

“Censorship reflects a society’s lack of confidence in itself.”  — Potter Stewart, U.S. Supreme Court Justice

Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving. Zen Teachings

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.

I Love This Country! It’s The People in Government Who Scare Me!

“People think a billion dollars buys you a President, but they’re wrong.  It barely gets you a lemon like Obama.”

A pistol is like a parachute.  When you need one, and you don’t have one, you’ll never have the need for one again.
“You can’t trust everything on the Internet” – Abraham Lincoln

“Know guns, no crime. No guns, know crime.” – Ralph Lauretano

eyes popping out

I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles.?
Therefore every day, I go to the street and tell a passerby what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do after. I give them pictures of my wife, my daughter, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.?

And it works: I already have 3 people following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.

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A few short jokes

Written by chuck on June 6, 2015 – 3:26 pm -


If you get an email titled “Nude Photo of Hillary Clinton”,….DON’T open it!


h-Kidding ... right

Two guys in their mid-twenties are sitting at a bar having a beer. One of the guys says to his buddy, “Man, you really look tired.”

His buddy says, “Dude, I’m exhausted. My girlfriend wants sex all the time, three, four, even six times a night, every night. She wakes me up at all hours. I just don’t know what to do.”

A fellow about 65, sitting a couple of stools down overheard the conversation.

He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says,
“Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that nonsense.”

h-Kidding ... right


My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out.

After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.  Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.

(Try to get a mental picture of this.) Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this before.”

The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve seen lots of them……I just never saw one mounted and framed.”

If this didn’t get a laugh out of you, nothing will.

h-Kidding ... right

In a college level advanced Biology exam, the last question was,
‘Name eight (8) advantages of Mother’s Milk’. This final question was worth 70 points or zero, none at all.

One male student, in particular, was hard put to think of eight advantages.
However, after some serious contemplation, he wrote this answer:

1) It is a perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to the mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.

…and then, the student was dumb struck for two more answers. In desperation & just before
the bell rang, indicating the end of the exam he wrote:

7) It comes in two quite attractive containers, and
8) it’s high enough off the floor where the cat can’t get to it.

He got an A+

If you order from amazon.com please click on the link at the top of my page. I need some income to help pay for the blog. I had three companies that wanted to place ads on my blog. But they are pop-up ads and I hate pop-up ads. I do not like to see them and I am sure you don’t.



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Best explanation of a politician I’ve ever heard!

Written by chuck on June 3, 2015 – 8:54 am -

Post Tortoise !!!!!!!

So true and very very aptly applicable to our present day politicians

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders. The old farmer said, “Well, as I see it, most politicians are ‘Post Tortoises’. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post tortoise’ was.

The old farmer said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that’s a post tortoise. ”

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain. “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there, he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, he’s elevated beyond his ability to function,and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with.”

Best explanation of a politician I’ve ever heard.

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From our finest

Written by chuck on June 3, 2015 – 8:45 am -

‘If the enemy is in range, so are you.’
-Infantry Journal-

‘It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.’
-US.Air Force Manual –

‘Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.’
– General MacArthur –

‘You, you, and you … Panic. The rest of you, come with me.’
– U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt..-

‘Tracers work both ways.’
U.S. Army Ordnance Manual-

‘Five second fuses only last three seconds.’
-Infantry Journal –

The three most useless things in aviation are:Fuel in the bowser; Runway behind you; and Air above you.
-Basic Flight Training Manual-

‘Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.’
– Maritime Ops Manual –

‘Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.’
-Unknown Marine Recruit-

‘If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.’
-USAF Ammo Troop-

‘Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.’
– Sign over SR71 Wing Ops-

‘You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach3.’
-Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)-

‘The only time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.’
Unknown Author-

‘If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.’
-Fixed Wing Pilot-

‘When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane,you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.’
-Multi-Engine Training Manual-

‘Without ammunition, the USAFis just an expensive flying club.’
-Unknown Author-

‘If you hear me yell;”Eject, Eject, Eject!”, the last two will be echos.’ If you stop to ask “Why?”,
you’ll be talking to yourself, because you’re the pilot.’
-Pre-flight Briefing from a 104 Pilot-

‘What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; butIf ATC screws up, ….
the pilot dies.’
-Sign over Control Tower Door-

‘Never trade luck for skill.’
-Author Unknown-

The three most common expressions (or famous last words)in military aviation are:’Did you feel that?”What’s that noise?’ and’Oh S…!’ or(appended from the Arkansas Air National Guard):”Hold my beer and watch this!”
-Authors Unknown-

‘Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.’
-Basic Flight Training Manual-

‘Mankind has a perfect record in aviation –
we have never left one up there!’
– Unknown Author –

‘Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plightto a person on the ground incapable of understandingor doing anything about it.’
-Emergency Checklist-

‘The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world;
it can just barely kill you.’
– Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot) –

‘There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.’
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB, AZ-

‘If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.’
-Sign over Carrier Group Operations Desk-

‘You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.’
– Lead-in Fighter Training Manual –

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.The rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks,’What happened?’The pilot’s reply: ‘I don’t know, I just got here myself!’
———————————————- —–

There are more airplanes in the sea than submarines in the air.

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Just a few more clean jokes.

Written by chuck on June 2, 2015 – 7:35 am -


An elderly man had a massive stroke and the family drove him down to the emergency room. After a while, the ER doctor appeared wearing a long face.

“I’m afraid Grandpa is brain dead, but his heart is still beating.”

“Oh, dear God,” cried his wife, “We’ve never had a liberal in the family before!”


A man lost an arm when his golf cart rolled over on him on a down slope.  He became very depressed because he loved to play golf.  One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide and end it all.

He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the sidewalk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels.  He looked closer and saw that this man didn’t have any arms at all.
He started thinking, “What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself?  I still have one good arm to do things with.”
He thought, “There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.”
He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms.  He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself.  He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again.
He asked, “Why are you so happy anyway?”
He said, “I’m NOT happy.  My balls itch.”

Heart-warming stories like this just bring a tear to my eye…


Sharing of marriage…

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite.   She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink..

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said ‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the   napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to   eat a single bite of food and asked ‘What is it you are waiting for?’

She answered —

(Continue below – This is great) ?


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