Just a few jokes 8/14/2017

Written by chuck on August 13, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Bikinis expose 90% of a woman’s body, but men are so decent and well-behaved that we only look at the 10% that is covered.

Most seniors never get enough exercise.
In His Wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.
Then God saw there was another need. In His Wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch.

And God looked down and saw that it was good
Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a
sandwich.

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Don’t ignore this message. This is your only warning.
A friend sent this to me — must have mistakenly assumed I was aging?

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do
 
3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage
 
4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate
 
6. COUNTERFEITERS:  Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

8. EYEDROPPER:  A clumsy Ophthalmologist

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

10. LEFT BANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

12. PARADOX:  Two physicians

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

Below is NOT a joke

AN ENGINEER EXPLAINS “OBAMACARE” IN FOUR SENTENCES..

Is there a single soul who is surprised that an Engineer came up with this 10,535 pages reduced to 4 sentences?
A Great summary by a Notre Dame University engineer..

Here are the 10,535 pages of Obama Care condensed to 4 simple sentences. As humorous as it sounds…..every last word is absolutely
TRUE!
1. In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to un-insure the insured.
2. Next, we require the newly un-insured to be re-insured.
3. To re-insure the newly un-insured, they are required to pay extra charges to be re-insured.
4. The extra charges are required so that the original insured, who became un-insured, and then became re-insured, can pay enough extra so that the original un-insured can be insured, so it will be’free-of-charge’ to them.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is called “redistribution of wealth” or, by its more common name, “SOCIALISM,” or “PROGRESSIVISM ,” the politically correct names for COMMUNISM!

click here

7×13=28 PROOF

YES, 7×13=28 IS TRUE. HE PROVES IT HERE….LIKE Laughing Zonelol FOR MORE VIDEOS YOUTUBE:https://youtu.be/GXi9sdjD9J4

Posted by Laughing Zonelol on Monday, August 7, 2017


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Thanks,

Chuck


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