Taking a break from the blog

Written by chuck on August 28, 2017 – 8:28 am -

I am taking a vacation from the blog. It may be a 30 year vacation! Not sure, but I would like to thanks everyone for reading and sending stuff to me.

Chuck


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Just a few jokes 8/24/2017

Written by chuck on August 23, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

It’s Great to live in the South

Florida
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding–a reason I’ve never before heard — I’ll let you go.”
The old gentleman paused then said: “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.

Georgia
The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”

Louisiana
A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”
When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ’cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”

Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”
Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”
The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”

North Carolina
A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”

Tennessee
A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”
The driver replied, “Bout whut?”

Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”
“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ’cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’ ”
Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


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Make up your bed

Written by chuck on August 23, 2017 – 6:00 am -


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Just a few jokes 8/23/2017

Written by chuck on August 22, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

“Black people who were never slaves
are fighting white people who were
never Nazis over a confederate statue
erected by Democrats because Democrats
can’t stand their own history anymore..
yet somehow it’s Trump’s fault.” — Jeff Laffite Jones

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..
________________________________
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said,’Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started…
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
And that’s when the fight started…..
_______________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed,
“He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
______________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
And then the fight started…
________________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started……
______________________________
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have got disability too.’
And then the fight started…
________________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
And then the fight started……..
________________________________
I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
That’s how the fight started.




Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


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16 Different Household Uses For Humble Cornstarch

Written by chuck on August 22, 2017 – 6:00 am -

Cornstarch is one of those mysterious items you have in your pantry.

It only costs a dollar, so you probably bought it at least one time and now
You’re unsure what its good for.

Well, in case you’re out of ideas, I’m going to show you why this cheap item
is actually one of the best materials to have around the house, and how it can
make your life much easier.

In the kitchen

1. Thicken sauces
A touch of cornstarch can help thicken sauces, soups and stews.
It’s a healthy gluten-free option for deliciously thick food.

Add half a tablespoon per cup of liquid, and whisk in a tablespoon of cold water
To create a slurry, which can be added to hot liquid.

2. Fluff eggs
Add a sprinkle of cornstarch to eggs before you whip them.
This helps the eggs become fluffier.
Laundry tricks

3. Remove leather stains

Get rid of any spilled oil or grease on your favorite leather jacket by sprinkling
Cornstarch over the stained section.

Let it set in overnight and rub it off gently with a damp paper towel in the morning.

4. Homemade spray starch
Save money by making your own spray starch for wrinkle-free shirts.
Make the starch from household items.
Start by heating 2 cups of water in a small saucepan.
Add 1 tablespoon of cornstarch and whisk, then bring to a boil.
Add 1 teaspoon of vinegar as a disinfectant and 10 drops of essential oil for a fresh scent.
When it cools, store in a spray bottle and shake well before use.

Household cleaning

5. Clean windows without leaving streaks
Since cornstarch is a natural abrasive, it can help clean windows and mirrors
Without leaving any messy streaks.
I recommend adding a tablespoon of cornstarch to this homemade window cleaner:
In a spouted measuring cup, mix together 1 cup of white vinegar and 1 cup of water.
Add 1/4 cup of lemon juice and a few drops of essential oil.
Pour this mixture in a spray bottle.
After you use the solution to clean the windows and mirrors, wipe with a paper towel.
Your windows will become completely transparent.

6. Grease-free carpets
If you have stains on your carpet, pour cornstarch over the greased areas.
Let it set in for 20 minutes and then vacuum.
The fine powder will absorb the grease.

7. Polish silver
Instead of buying expensive and strong-smelling silver cleaners,
Use a mix of cornstarch and water to make your silverware shine like new.

8. No more squeaky floors
Cornstarch can stop the awful noises caused by cracked floors.
Sprinkle the floor with cornstarch and then sweep.
The powder will work itself into the nooks and cracks, ridding you of any squeaks or creaks.

9. Clean wooden furniture
Regular household cleaners can leave a residue that builds up over time.

You can buff away any grease marks from your beloved wooden furniture or
household items with cornstarch.

Remove these stains by mixing equal parts water and cornstarch,
and then rubbing them strongly on the wood.

Smells

10. No more stinky shoes
Cornstarch is very absorbent.
It can soak up those awful smelling sneaker or pump odors.
Sprinkle a bit inside the soles and let it set in overnight.
Shake and pass a damp cloth inside before wearing them.

11. Give your old books a fresh whiff
Sprinkle cornstarch over musty smelling books and soon youll notice how fresh those old volumes smell.

Cosmetic secrets

12. Chafing
Prevent the burn of chafing by rubbing a pinch of cornstarch on the problem
Area before you get dressed.

It will prevent the sweating and lubrication that usually cause this condition.

13. Body powder
Save some money by making your own body powder.
You can do so by mixing cornstarch with essential oils.

Mix one cup of cornstarch with a few drops of your favorite essential oil,
and then shake to produce a homemade body powder.

14. Dry shampoo
This can be a real time-saver if you dont have a minute to spare for a shower.

Apply cornstarch to your hair by dusting it along the crown of your head and
The base of your neck, then rubbing it in gently.

After applying, brush it out, or it will leave your hair with a grey tinge.

15. Natural deodorant
First wipe your underarms with rubbing alcohol or soap to get rid of any unpleasant smells.
You can then apply cornstarch.
This absorbs moisture and keeps the area dry.

16. Soothe sunburns, bug bites and bees stings.

Applying a paste of water and cornstarch over the sensitive area can offer a
Natural relief for burns and bites.

The paste will need to dry before the effect takes place.


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Trailer Assist by Volkswagen: The new tv-commercial

Written by chuck on August 21, 2017 – 6:00 am -


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Just a few jokes 8/21/2017

Written by chuck on August 20, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

My neighborhood barber
just got arrested for selling
drugs… I’ve been his customer
for 6 years and I had no idea he was a barber


Old age is having a choice of
two temptations and choosing
the one that will get you home earlier.

A man has reached old age when he
is cautioned to slow down by his
Doctor instead of by the police.


You’re getting old when
you don’t care where
your spouse goes, just as
long as you don’t have
to go along.

click here

Click here to see the eclipse from anywhere in the U.S.


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


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German Shepherd Telling Owner He’s Hungry

Written by chuck on August 18, 2017 – 6:00 am -


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Just a cool video 8/18/2017

Written by chuck on August 17, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

This is one cool video. Safe for work. Little if any audio.

Elk vs. Photographer in Great Smoky Mountains National Park

Elk vs. Photographer in Great Smoky Mountains National ParkCredit: Newsflare

Posted by NTD Life on Sunday, July 9, 2017

click here


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


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From 1979

Written by chuck on August 17, 2017 – 7:03 pm -

Skip to the 9 minute mark if you do not want to watch the whole thing.


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