Just a few jokes 7/30/2017

Written by chuck on July 30, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Good Lawyer
 
A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.

But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house. When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.

He couldn’t say he had no children, because he couldn’t lie — we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.

So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.

He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes and the price was right — the agent asked:
 
“How many children do you have?

He answered: “Twelve.”

The agent asked “Where are the others?”

The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered  “They’re in the cemetery with their mother.”

MORAL: It’s not necessary to lie, one only needs to choose the right words. and don’t forget, most politicians are lawyers.

Dear Mr. Murphy,

We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the red area on your

penis shows it was not cancerous.

It was lipstick.
 
We deeply regret the amputation.

An Engineer was unemployed for a long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: “Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000.”

One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: “I have lost taste in my mouth.”
Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “This is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money. Doctor: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Engineer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor: “But that is Gasoline!” Engineer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several more days. Doctor: “My eyesight has become weak.”

Engineer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.”

Doctor: “But this is $500…”

Engineer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”


Once a liberal
has to start thinking
they are no longer a liberal.

click here

Click here for voice over text


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Thanks,

Chuck


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