Just a few jokes 7/20/2017

Written by chuck on July 20, 2017 – 9:49 am -

QUESTION: Long ago, I married a widow who had an 18-year old daughter. Soon after, my father, a widower, fell in love with my stepdaughter. They married without my approval.

So my stepdaughter became my stepmother, & my father is my son-in-law. My father’s wife (also my stepdaughter) & my stepmother gave birth to a son who is my grandchild because I am the husband of my stepdaughter’s mother. This boy is also my brother, as the son of my father. My wife became a grandmother …because she is the mother of my father’s wife, & I am also my wife’s grandchild. Soon my wife gave birth to a son, who became my father’s brother-in-law, the stepson of my father’s wife, and my uncle. My son is also my stepmotherā€™s brother, & through my stepmother, my wife is a grandmother, & I am my own grandfather.

In light of the above, I need to know if my son, who is also my uncle, my father’s son-in-law, & my stepmother’s brother, fulfills the requirements to receive childcare benefits?

Sincerely yours,

Mohammed Abu Laden Habib

ANSWER: Of course you qualify Mohammed! We will begin mailing your checks upon your arrival here in California.

Yours faithfully, Jerry Brown Governor CA

Tip of the day:
Relationships of any kind are not 1 way streets.
When you decide to travel down a one way street
in the wrong direction, nothing good usually comes from it.

Deathbed Wishes:
Doug Pender lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his
deathbed and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, are with him….
He asks for two witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to
record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:
“My son, Bernie, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses.”
“My daughter Sybil, you take the apartments between mile markers 100
and Tavernier.”
“My son, Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon
Government Center.”
“Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the
bayside on Blackwater Sound.”
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his
extensive holdings, and as Doug slips away, the nurse says, “Mrs.
Pender, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have
accumulated all this property.”
The wife replies, “The asshole had a paper route.”


Stole this funny story (to protect the innocent, No Attribution):

Subject: Petrol perks.

A petrol station owner in Ireland was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, ‘Free Sex with Fill-Up.’
Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10….
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, ‘You were close.
The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.’

A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, ‘Sorry, it was 3.
You were close, but no free sex this time.’

As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy, ‘I think that game is rigged and he doesn’t really give away free sex at all.’
Paddy replied, ‘No it’s genuine enough Mick.
My wife won twice last week.’

click here

Lexington, SC man horrified after booking a prostitute – and his own wife arrived

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