Just a few jokes 7/4/2017

Written by chuck on July 3, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and do not repeat it.
–Paul “Bear” Bryant

By today’s standards, none of us were supposed to ever make it.

HIGH SCHOOL — 1957 compared to today 2016

Scenario 1:
Jack goes duck hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck’s gun rack.
1957 – Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2016 – School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students
and teachers.

Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 – Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2016 – Police called and SWAT team arrives — they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled – even though Johnny
started it .

Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 – Jeffrey sent to the Principal’s office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2016 – Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The family gets extra money (SSI) from the government because
Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping.
1957 – Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2016 – Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy’s sister that she remembers
being spanked herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 – Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock .
2016 – The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 – Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2016 – Pedro’s cause is taken up by a radical group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is
racist. ACLU files a class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is then banned from the basic curriculum. Pedro
is given his diploma anyway, but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 – Ants die.
2016 – ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents – and all siblings
are removed from their home. All computers are confiscated. Johnny’s dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee . He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 – In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2016 – Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons’?”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that.. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?”
Henry fainted…

America the Beautiful | Happy Independence Day from Hillsdale …

Join us this Independence Day as we celebrate our freedom.

Posted by Hillsdale College on Thursday, June 30, 2016


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Thanks,

Chuck


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