Just a few jokes 6/29/2017

Written by chuck on June 28, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

The light turned yellow, just in front of him.

He did the right thing and stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could
have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman behind him was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up
into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted,
photographed and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, giving the guy in front of you the finger and cursing at him.

I also noticed the ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ licence plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian Fish Emblem on the trunk, so naturally I assumed you had stolen the car.”

Priceless !!

 Facetious is the only word
in the English language
that has all the vowels
in alphabetical order

So I suggested to my wife that she’d look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It’s their kids who cause all the trouble.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don’t be stupid, feminists can’t change anything.

What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.

So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn’t work.

How do you kill a redneck? Wait ’till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.

How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.

Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.

WISE ITALIAN GRANDFATHER An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He  calls his grandson to his bedside, “Guido, I wan’ you lissina me. I wan’ you to take-a my chrome plated …38 revolver so you will always remember me.”

“But grandpa, I really don’t like guns. How about you leave me  your Rolex watch instead?”

“You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be  runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. ” “Somma day you gonna come-a home  and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta you gonna do  then point at your watch and say times up?

This Guy's Girlfriend Doesn't Understand Weather

Greatest argument ever 😂🌞Brad Holmes

Posted by UNILAD on Monday, June 26, 2017

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