Just a few jokes 5/18/2017

Written by chuck on May 17, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

That Last Nickel

A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.

After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.

As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied…”Divorce attorney.”

There was a power outage at
a department store yesterday.
Twenty people were trapped on
the escalators for two hours.

A joke shamelessly stolen from a friend:
A Saudi, a Venezuelan, a North Korean and a native New Yorker are walking down the street past the UN.
A reporter comes up to them and says, “Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?”

The Saudi says, “What’s a shortage?”
The Venezuelan says, “What’s meat?”
The North Korean says, “What’s an opinion?”
The New Yorker says, “What the f**k is ‘excuse me’?!”

Ma Bell Phone Ring

Three old guys
are out walking.
First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’
Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’
Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’

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Thanks,

Chuck


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