Just a few jokes 5/16/2017

Written by chuck on May 15, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

The bank called me due to some suspicious activity on my debit card. I couldn’t believe I bought a gym membership either…..

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The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 A.M. Wake up.”


It’s Saturday. Be careful out there!

A foursome of men waiting at the men’s tee while a four some of ladies were hitting from the ladies’ tee.

The ladies were taking their time. When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet.

Then she went over and missed it completely.

Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it another five feet.

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically, “I guess all those f’ing lessons I took over the winter didn’t help.”

One of the men immediately responded, “Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!”

He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 43…….

Best you male golfers watch what you say on the course

Speedy Alka Seltzer, well known ’50’s spokesman for antiacids, committed suicide today by jumping into a bathtub full of warm water. He left a note, reading in part, “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz; oh what a relief it is.”

BIOLOGY EXAM Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s  Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote:

1) It is perfect formula for the child.

2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always the right temperature.

4) It is inexpensive.

5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.

6) It  is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck.

Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it.

He got an A

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Pepermint ulje, "smrt krpeljima" !!

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