Just a few jokes 5/15/2017

Written by chuck on May 14, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Wifey bought a brand new toilet brush a few weeks ago but it hasn’t been working too well… I may go back to using paper.

“Last year we couldn’t win at home and we were losing on the road.  My failure as a coach was that I couldn’t think of anyplace else to play.”
– Harry Neale, professional hockey coach

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 A.M. Wake up.”

It’s Saturday. Be careful out there!

A foursome of men waiting at the men’s tee while a four some of ladies were hitting from the ladies’ tee.

The ladies were taking their time. When the final lady was ready to hit her ball, she hacked it 10 feet.

Then she went over and missed it completely.

Then she hacked it another ten feet and finally hacked it another five feet.

She looked up at the patiently waiting men and said apologetically, “I guess all those f’ing lessons I took over the winter didn’t help.”

One of the men immediately responded, “Well, there you have it. You should have taken golf lessons instead!”

He never even had a chance to duck. He was only 43…….

Best you male golfers watch what you say on the course

Speedy Alka Seltzer, well known ’50’s spokesman for antiacids, committed suicide today by jumping into a bathtub full of warm water. He left a note, reading in part, “Plop, plop, fizz, fizz; oh what a relief it is.”

BIOLOGY EXAM Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, ‘Name seven advantages of Mother’s  Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, was hard put to think of seven advantages. He wrote: 1) It is perfect formula for the child. 2) It provides immunity against several diseases. 3) It is always the right temperature. 4) It is inexpensive. 5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa. 6) It  is always available as needed. And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote: 7) It comes in two attractive containers and it’s high enough off the ground where the cat can’t get it. He got an A

Pepermint ulje, "smrt krpeljima" !!

Posted by Vjeko Zahej on Thursday, April 27, 2017

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