Just a few jokes 5/11/2017

Written by chuck on May 10, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life point away from earth.

Harry was finally a groom and was very excited about his upcoming marriage. He was on his way out of the office when his boss came over to him with an outstretched hand, “congratulations Harry, I just wanted to tell you I’ve been married for twenty-two years, and I am sure that you will always remember this day with the fondest of memories, as the happiest day of your life.”
“But sir”, said Harry, “a little bit confused, I’m not getting married until tomorrow!” “Yeah, I know”, said his boss.

North Miami Beach Bank Robbery

A hooded robber burst into a North
Miami Beach bank and forced the tellers to load a sack full
of cash.

On his way out the door, a brave
customer grabbed the hood and pulled it off, revealing the
robber’s face.

The robber shot the customer without a
moment’s hesitation.

He then looked around the bank and
noticed one of the tellers looking straight at him.

The robber instantly shot the teller.

Everyone in the bank, by now very
scared, looked intently down at the floor in silence.

The robber yelled, “Well… did anyone else see my face?”

There are a few moments of utter
silence in which everyone was plainly too afraid to

Then, one little old Jewish man
tentatively raised his hand and said, “I think my wife
here got a pretty good look at you.”


Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.

So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.

This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.


St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”


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