Just a few jokes 5/4/2017

Written by chuck on May 3, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Who was the Genius that thought Darts would be a Great Game for Drunks in a Bar

Seems that Mike was the last one to leave the office last night. He s…aid even the cleaning people were leaving. He got on the elevator and punched “1″,” headed to the ground floor. When the elevator got to the 2nd floor, it stopped and the doors opened. A short (about 5’) Hispanic woman stepped into the elevator. Apparently she was not expecting anyone to already be on it. When she saw Mike, she screamed. Then Mike screamed. Then she fell on her butt half in and half out of the elevator. Then the doors started trying to close on her legs. Mike caught the doors and helped her up. He said, “I’m sorry.” She said, “no, no I am sorry. I was not expecting a giant man.” (Mike is 6’6”, 280+, bearded, with a long pony tail.) Mike said the ride to the 1st floor was quiet, but as soon as the doors opened, she ran like her pants were on fire.

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. “I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want any pain killers because I’m in a big hurry,” the woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.” The dentist was quite impressed. “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?” The woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”

An old Tanker sat down at the Starbucks, wearing his old tankers jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the tanker and asked,

Are you a real tanker?

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life on tanks, first M48 tanks , then the M60 series, the Abrams during desert storm also Afghanistan and in Iraq I’ve taught hundreds of people to shoot move and communicate, seek and destroy the enemy and given rides to hundreds of infantrymen, so I guess I am a tanker, and you, what are you?

She said, ‘I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.’

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old tanker and asked: “Are you a real tanker?”

He replied, ‘I always thought I was, but I just found out I’m a lesbian.

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