Just a few jokes 5/1/2017

Written by chuck on April 30, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

My wife just asked me if I was busy… Nothing good can come from this!

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during dinner.
Catholic:  I have a large fortune… I am going to buy Citibank!
Protestant:  I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!
Muslim:  I am a fabulously rich Prince… I intend to purchase Microsoft!
They then all wait for the Jew to speak… The Jew stirs his coffee,
places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them
and casually says:
” I told you already, I’m not selling ! ”

I took down my Rebel flag & peeled the NRA sticker off my front window. I disconnected my home alarm system & quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch. I bought two Pakistani flags & put one at each corner of the front yard. Then I bought the black ISIS flag on ebay & ran it up the flag pole. Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, & Secret Service agencies all watch my house 24/7. I’ve NEVER felt safer & I’m saving $69.95/month that ADT had charged me! I also bought burkas to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way & security can’t pat me down!

1..Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book.
It’s called…’Ministers do more than Lay People’

2..Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

3..The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only
expects you to kiss his ring.

4..My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone.

5..The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you’re in the

6..I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink
spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7..It used to be only death and taxes. Now, of course, there’s shipping
and handling, too.

8..A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the
impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9..My next house will have no kitchen – just vending machines and
a large trash can.

10.. Definition of a teenager? God’s punishment…for enjoying sex.

Thought for the day: Be who you are and say what you feel…
because those that matter..don’t mind…and those that mind…
don’t matter!

And as you slide down that Banister of Life you should pray that all the splinters
are pointed the other way…

He said this in 1968 about teens, and almost 50 years later it is still true.

Posted by Grown Men Stuff on Saturday, November 19, 2016

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