Just a few jokes 4/26/2017

Written by chuck on April 25, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

My birthday suit sure did used to fit much better than this.

A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, “I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop.”
The bartender said, “There is no way you can do that. Sure, I’ll bet you three hundred dollars.”
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing.
He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender sta…rts smiling and laughing and says, “That’s it, you owe me three hundred dollars.”
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there.
He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, “Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet.”
The man said, “I’m laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done.”

LA Well-Planned Retirement

Outside England ’s Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant…..The fees for cars ($1.40),for buses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work,he just didn’t show up; so the zoo management called the city council and asked it to send them another parking agent. The council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the zoo’s own responsibility. The zoo advised the council that the attendant was a city employee.
The city council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the city payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain, or France, or Italy, is a man who’d apparently had a ticket booth installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day — for 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ……and no one even knows his name.
I think this is my favorite e-mail ever!

Don Meredith, Dallas Cowboys Quarterback once said : “Coach Tom Landry is such a perfectionist that if he was married to Raquel Welch, he would expect her to cook.”

I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations

What is the difference between a zombie and a liberal?
Both are brain dead but at least the zombie can feed itself.

click here

95% of men believe this to be true. The remaining 5% are either single or still living with their mother 󾌴󾌴󾌴󾌴󾌴 Credit to KiKINNEKINNE

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Posted in Fun Stuff | 2 Comments »

2 Responses to “Just a few jokes 4/26/2017”

  1. By Mike on Apr 26, 2017 10:12 am | Reply

    95% of men believe what to be true?

  2. By chuck on May 2, 2017 12:31 pm | Reply

    I agree with 95 %, the other 5 % lives at home with mother.

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