Just a few jokes 4/20/2017

Written by chuck on April 19, 2017 – 10:30 pm -


Folks no longer with us.


Why California Is Broke and Texas Is Not

California

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.
The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.

He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the state $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.

The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.

The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack. The state spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training re the nature of coyotes.

PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the state.

Texas

The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
The Governor shoots the coyote with his state-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $.75 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
The buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.

I am in so much trouble.

I was asked to watch our 6 yr old grandson while my wife and daughter went shopping. Since it was a nice day I took a book and was sitting on the deck reading and at times light napping while our grandson was playing with other kids a couple houses away. After a while our grandson and a young girl came up to me.

“Grandad, what’s it called when a boy spends the night with a girl and sleeps on top?”

I was really not expecting this from a pair of 6 yea…r olds. I tried bumbling my way through a basic birds and bees talk. The kids seemed satisfied and ran off to continue playing.

A short while later Robert, my grandson came home and looked at me and said:
Grandad, you are so wrong. It’s called bunk beds and Becky’s mom wants you to call her.


Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.

One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Here’s how it all went………

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ‘You are the woman of my dreams…I love you.’ Then we made passionate love all night long.

The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn’t say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said………..

” What’s for dinner, Zorro?”


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Thanks,

Chuck


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