I’m great at multitasking… I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once!
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed
into a man’s car. Both of their cars are demolished but
amazingly neither of them was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately
we are unhurt.
This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.” The man replied,” I agree
with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”
The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75 year old scotch didn’t break. Surely God
meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune.” Then she handed the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap
back on, and handed it back to the man.
The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
“Nah. I think I’ll just wait for the police.”
Adam ate the apple, too! Men will never learn!
Where Are Trumps Tax Returns
During a recent Trump stop, a heckler from the audience hollered, “Hey Trump, where are you hiding your tax returns?
The Donald politely responded, “I’ve found a very secure place that I’m certain they won’t be found.”
The insistent heckler, then shouted, “And just where is that, dummy”?
The Donald smiled and said, “They are underneath Obama’s college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college records, and his Selective Service registration.
“What’s your next question?”
“TOLERANCE IS THE LAST VIRTUE OF A DYING SOCIETY” ARISTOTLE
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have Sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes . . .’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started . . . . .
A man and his wife were shopping and the man picked up a case of beer. His wife said, “Put that back. You don’t need that.” Later, he found her in the area with all the makeup, putting lipstick, rouge, eye shadow, eye liner and a lot of other make up supplies. He told her, “Put all that back. You don’t need that.” She said, ” I need all that to make me pretty.” He said, ” That is what I needed the beer for.” It took him a while to get the tube of lipstick out of his nostril.
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