Just a few jokes 4/14/2017

Written by chuck on April 14, 2017 – 2:08 am -

A little girl was leaning into a lion’s cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, all under the eyes of her screaming parents.

A biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the wh…ole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.”

The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

The reporter says, “Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed. I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies “I’m a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I voted for Trump”.

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

** U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH. **
And THAT pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days.

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, “I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.” The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.
“Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.”

After 3 or 4 martini…s, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. “I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.” The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, “Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?”

“Because I don’t want any of those hags sleeping with your father after I’m gone.”
And THAT, my friends, is what is called, “Putting Your Affairs In Order.”




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Chuck

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