Just a few jokes 4/11/2017

Written by chuck on April 10, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

If you had x-ray vision and could see through anything, wouldn’t you see through everything and actually see nothing?

I learned something new last year, thanks to my friend Deborah Hays Yarborough. I posted something about an Indian squaw on Gunsmoke wearing a push up bra and said I didn’t know they had them in the old west. Deborah enlightened me about that and said “They were rawhide bras, head ’em up move ’em out, rawhide!” Never too old to learn new stuff I reckon!

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a
young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large
insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then
arranging to have her killed.

A “friend of a friend” put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side
underworld figure who went by the name of “Artie.”
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing
out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t
have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife’s insurance money..
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man
opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly agreed to accept the
dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Super
Wal-Mart store.

There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to
strangle her with his gloved hands and, as the poor unsuspecting woman
drew her last breath and slumped to the floor……..

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the
murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol’ Artie
had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the
hidden security cameras and observed by the store’s security guard, who
immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he
could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the
whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the
hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared:


What Is A Cat?
1) Cats do what they want.
2) They rarely listen to you.

3) They’re totally unpredictable.
4) They whine when they are not happy.
5) When you want to play, they want to be alone.
6) When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7) They expect you to cater for their every whim.
They’re moody.
9) They leave hair everywhere.
10) They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: Cats are tiny little women in cheap fur coats.

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