Now that I’m older, my memory is a mighty fortress. Nothing penetrates it.
Pretty sure that the guy that invented the drawing board didn’t get it right the first time. What do you think he fell back on?
What’s the difference between a dirty old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station the other one is a busty crustacean.
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re 69– who cares?
A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a good meal in several days.” The owner says, “I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I’ve never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of pain…t and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal.”…
So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner asks, “Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in.” The hobo says, “Thank you very much, sir. But there’s something that I think you should know. It’s not a Porsche you got there. It’s a BMW..”
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged, however, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he, reluctantly, let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’
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