Protip: Never pass gas while sitting on a wooden bench. Talk about amplification
Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign:
“Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“I am entering” said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,
“Well, how did you do?”
” First Place ,” said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign:
“Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him,
“How did you make out?”
” First Place ,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign:
“Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
Pinocchio says “this is mine.”
Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?” asked Pinocchio
A North Carolina State Trooper pulled a car over on US 301 about 2 miles south of the Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Shrine Circus in Emporia. He didn’t want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket. He told the trooper he ha…d sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Tennessee got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain’t no way in hell I can pass that test.”
WOMEN ARE UNIQUE ….
Husband’s Message (by cellphone):
Honey, a car has hit me as I was coming out of the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital.
They have been making tests and taking X-rays
The blow to my head has been very strong, fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot….
Wife’s Response: Who is Paula?
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