Just a few jokes 3/24/2017

Written by chuck on March 23, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Technical Work

I called an old school friend and asked what he was doing. He replied that he is working
on “Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment.”

I was impressed…On further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water …….under his wife’s supervision.

A group of friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Al and Jean to be the hosts, Jean wanted to outdo all the others. She decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But mushrooms are expensive.

She then told her husband, “No mushrooms.They are too high priced.”

He said, “Why don’t you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushroom…s? There are plenty in the creek bed.”

She said, “No, some wild mushrooms are poison.”

He said, “Well, I see varmints eating them and they’re OK.” So Jean decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch, washed, sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.

Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol’ Spot (the yard dog) a double handful. Ol’ Spot ate every bite. All morning long, Jean watched Ol’ Spot and the
wild mushrooms didn’t seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Jean even hired a helper lady from town to help her serve. After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized, and played checkers and dominoes. About then, the helper lady came in and whispered in Jean’s ear. She said, “Mrs. Williams, Ol’ Spot is dead.”

Jean went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, “That’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quickly as possible. We’ll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone’s stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm.”

Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. The EMTs and the doctor had their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.

One by one, they took each person into the bathroom, gave them an enema, and pumped out their stomach. The scene was not pretty. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, “I think everything will be fine now,” and he left.

They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the living room. About this time the lady’s helper came in and whispered to Jean, “You know, that fellow that run over Ol’ Spot never even stopped.”



One day three golfers were playing a round of golf. They were on the ninth hole near the highway getting ready to tee off. One of the golfers had his club in mid swing when he noticed a funeral procession coming up the highway. He lowered his club and took off his hat as he stood there reverently waiting for it to pass. The other two golfers fo…llowed suit and all three stood quietly until the last car was out of sight. The first golfer then made a beautiful drive right down the middle of the fairway. “You know Jack?” One of the other golfers said. “That was really nice the way you waited for that funeral procession to pass.” Well I felt it was the least I could do.” Jack responded. “After all she did give me 30 of the best years of her life.”


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’ ‘It was Bob the next door neighbor,’ she replies. ‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


After he buries his wife, on to the lake.

click here

BBC The REAL Housewives Of ISIS


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck

BBC The REAL Housewives Of ISIS


Posted in Fun Stuff | No Comments »


You must be logged in to post a comment.