Just a few jokes 3/21/2017

Written by chuck on March 20, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.

Fuhrnatooyuhr.
Stuff you sit on in the house in the south

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal
government.

Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied
with killing TERRORISTS !!

Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass,

At your computer, reading jokes..

Nice. Real nice,

DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING?!!



I wish this was not a joke

Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during this evening’s prime time address include: California will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within MexiCal, noting that there is much more room for the refugees who will find the climate in the state of California more desirable than the climate in US cities such as New York City, Detroit or Chicago.

The elimination of the existing border between Mexico and California will allow drugs to flow more freely between Mexico and all the many users in Hollywood. Drug tunnel diggers at the Tijuana border will now be able to use their skills to dig tunnels under Los Angeles to help ease congestion in that city and allow rioters to set fires and to move between the city’s universities more freely.

The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future disaster relief required once the next megaquake hits California.

The space in the Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by representatives of California will be fumigated and turned into “time-out rooms” for the press as well as Liberty Centers where US citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the pursuit of economic freedom.

Nancy Pelosi released a statement stating that she looks forward to making the Mexican President’s life miserable and prefers the year round weather in Mexico City to that of DC. Her office has already announced a schedule of fund raising activities for what is believed to be an upcoming campaign to run for President of MexiCal.

Papers released along with Trump’s statement reveal that a newly incorporated real estate company, pmurT, Inc., which was intimately involved in the deal discussions, will receive a broker fee of $25 billion on the California sale. An anonymous pmurT, Inc. representative has revealed that the profits on the deal are HUGE and will be used to purchase, develop and convert all abandoned US Federal facilities in California into special high end retreats and resorts which will assist California residents with managing their euphoria and transition into the nanny state they have so long desired to be.

The exact northern border of the new MexiCal is still under negotiation. Apparently the White House is concerned that certain members of congress may be unwilling to give up California’s wine country and are suggesting that the northern boarder align with the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge.

California residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the border into the US so that the total number of California liberals entering the US can be tracked and at any point in time not exceed predetermined levels. Residents that remain in California after the effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in the US in the future.

Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal and is looking forward to declaring Spanish the national language for his newly acquired territory and opening SSL (Spanish as a second language) schools throughout California. He also noted that funding for the transaction would come from the Mexican drug cartels, which have agreed to provide low interest loans to Mexico so long as they are allowed to move their cash out of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands back into Mexico tax free. He also said he considers the fact that a Disney park will now be located within his country an added bonus.

White House representatives refused to confirm rumors that a similar deal was in the works for the sale to Canada of certain northern and northeastern states such as Illinois and others including New York, Massachusetts, Vermont, and Maine. When asked for comment on this possible sale, New York/ Arkansas/ or Washington D C resident and former losing presidential candidate Hillary Clinton replied, “At this point, what difference does it make anyway?”

President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, “this deal is HUGE and will help Make America, albeit a little smaller, Great Again”.



Sexual harassment

Every day, a  male employee walks up very close to a  female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales
 quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice                     

After a week of this, the woman can’t stand it anymore. 
She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against the guy.
                      
The supervisor is puzzled and asks, “What’s threatening
about a co-worker telling you your hair smell nice?                      
 
“It’s  Frank.  The midget”



click here

When leggings go wrong, it looks like this.


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Thanks,

Chuck


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