A guy is watching a film with organ music on the TV and suddenly yells,
“No! No! Don’t enter that church, you damn fool.”
His wife asks him, “What are you watching?”
Husband replies, “Our wedding video.”
The difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver.
Bad Golfer: Whack – Damn.
Bad Skydiver: Damn – Whack.
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little scared.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asks, “What are you… here for?”
The first kid says, “A Circumcision.”
And the second kid says, “Whoa, Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born. Couldn’t walk for a year!”
Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs , Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job. She had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.
The foreman frowned and said, “I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?””Well, as a matter of fact, I have,” she said: “I’ve been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, I voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary.” She starts work in the morning.
The President-elect won the election with less than 40% of the popular vote but had the majority of electoral votes.
The Republican Party had put forth a candidate to win several crucial states that could swing the Electoral College.
The election was a bitter one with the Democratic Party fractured between two candidates.
The incoming President received so many death threats that he chose to arrive in Washington in secrecy. The security for the inauguration was the tightest ever with troops stationed on buildings throughout the day. This was an unprecedented amount of protection for any President-elect.
Many members of Congress (Democrats) chose not to attend the ceremony and he was vilified in much of the press.
Despite all this……. Abraham Lincoln was sworn in as our 16th president on March 4, 1861.
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