Just a few jokes 3/10/2017

Written by chuck on March 10, 2017 – 12:38 pm -

I read somewhere that when someone is about to quote a bogus fact or statistic that they preface it by saying, “I read somewhere”.

I despise people who mix up there, their and they’re. It’s worse than not knowing the difference between your left and write….

“It is easier to be gay in a room full of Republicans than it is to be Republican in a room full of gays.” Alexander Hornaday

Have you ever noticed that every picture of a Bigfoot has been made with a crappy camera?

A speaker began a seminar, pulling a crisp, new bill from his pocket, and asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?”
Hands started going up. He said, “I’m going to give this $20 bill to one of you, but first let me do this.” he proceeded to crumple up the bill. He then asked, “Who still wants it?” Still the hands were up in the air.
“Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?” He dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor, so now the bill was not only crumpled, b…ut also dirty. “Now who still wants it?” Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends, you have all learned a valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value in the eyes of those who love you. You are special – don’t ever forget it.”

A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, “What size farm do you have?”
The Englishman proudly announced, “Thirty-five acres!”
“Thirty-five acres?” the Texan scoffed. “Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
“Ah, yes,” the Englishman nodded in understanding. “I had a truck like that once.”

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Thanks,

Chuck


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