Just a few jokes 3/3/2017

Written by chuck on March 3, 2017 – 9:11 am -

A lady goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The lady counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying “Ehhhh .. 22!”.
The interviewer looks at her a little puzzled and then tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?”.

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces “Five foot two!”
This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?”

The lady bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “Mandy!”.

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, “Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?”
“Ohh that!”, she replies, “That’s just me running through, ‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you….’ .”

It’s midnight. I hear footsteps outside my bedroom. I sit straight up, should I grab a weapon call 911. Then I realized I was in a motel so I went back to sleep.

If you can’t remember my name, just say “donuts”. I’ll turn around and look.

The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States, and she is from Alabama!

A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her father in Alabama and asks, “So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?”

“I don’t think so. It’s a long drive; your mom isn’t as young as she used to be, we’ll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad, I’ll send Air Forc…e One to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door,” she said.

“I don’t know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?”

“Oh, Dad,” she replied, “I’ll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in N.Y.”
“Honey,” Dad complained, “You know we can’t eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.”
The President-elect responded, “Don’t worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. And I’ll ensure your meals are salt-free.”

So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on Jan. 20, 2024 arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States. The parents of the new President are seated in the front row. The President’s dad sees that a Senator is sitting next to him and leans over and whispers, “You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?”

The Senator whispered in reply, “Yes, sir, I sure do.”

Dad says proudly,

“Her brother played football for The University of Alabama” (Add the team you want)

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