Millennial International

Written by chuck on March 31, 2017 – 6:00 am -

Millennial International is a sponsor based program designed to help Millennials live the lives they portray on Instagram.

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OUR LIGHTER SIDE “R” Rated 3/31/2017

Written by chuck on March 30, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

r-rated

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A SHORT… BUT BEAUTIFUL LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and
gently woke the woman
saying,……….’Ma’am,
I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?
I’m awfully cold’
‘I have a better idea,’ she replied…. ‘Just for tonight……let’s pretend that we’re married’
‘Wow!……………That’s a great idea!’ he exclaimed……………
‘Good,’ she replied…………….’Get your own f*******king blanket.’
After a moment of silence he farted.

The End.

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A blind guy sits down in a diner and says to the waiter, “I’m sorry, but I’m blind and I can’t read the menu. So just bring me a dirty fork, I’ll smell it, and order from there.” The waiter picks up a greasy fork, and hands it to the blind guy. The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, breathes deep, and says, “Ah…that’s what I’ll have…meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”

he waiter can’t believe it, and he goes and tells his wife, Becky, who’s the cook. The next day the blind guy walks in and the waiter says, “I’ll get you a dirty fork.” He gets a dirty fork, hands it to the blind guy, the blind guy smells it, and says, “That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”

The waiter thinks the blind guy is bullshitting with him, so the next day when the blind guy walks in, he goes into the kitchen and says to his wife, “Becky, rub this fork on your pussy.” She does it, and then he goes out and hands it to the blind guy.

The blind guy puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, “Are you kiddin’ me, I didn’t know Becky worked here!”

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One day a Pussy escaped from it’s normal position &decided to take a walk around the whole inner body. At first she came across the Kidneys and asked “Who are you?” The kidney answered “I am the kidney”
She then moved on & came across the liver and asked.”Who are You” The liver replied “I am the Liver” She then moved on and finally came across the heart & asked the same question “Who are you” The heart replied. “I am the Heart”
The pussy then screamed “Ahaaaa! You are the Bastard that I have been looking for” The heart was shocked & asked “But why are you so mad at me” The pussy replied. “You are the one that goes around falling in love with everyone and guess what happens?
Each time that you fall in love. I am the one that gets fucked

________________________

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Check out the blog everyday.

________________________


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck

**********************************

DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Send Jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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A teen steals a womans Range Rover Classic LWB and goes on 65 mile police chase.

Written by chuck on March 30, 2017 – 6:00 am -

Only a Range Rover could do this.

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Just a few jokes 3/30/2017

Written by chuck on March 29, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

My bride asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Work so hard that one day your signature will be called a autograph.

I live in constant fear that

Trump will deport my latina mother-in-law

who lives at 1837 3rd st, LA, 90023

blue house.

She gets off work at 6



A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’

The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.



A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4/6:


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A collection of Budweiser commercials featuring the Clydesdales as the “Hero’s”.


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Chuck


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A collection of Buderweiser commercials featuring the Clydesdales as the “Hero’s”.

Written by chuck on March 29, 2017 – 6:00 am -


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Just a few jokes 3/29/2017

Written by chuck on March 28, 2017 – 10:30 pm -



Now that I’m older, my memory is a mighty fortress. Nothing penetrates it.

Pretty sure that the guy that invented the drawing board didn’t get it right the first time. What do you think he fell back on?

What’s the difference between a dirty old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station the other one is a busty crustacean.

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re 69– who cares?



A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, “Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven’t had a good meal in several days.” The owner says, “I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I’ve never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of pain…t and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal.”…
So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner asks, “Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in.” The hobo says, “Thank you very much, sir. But there’s something that I think you should know. It’s not a Porsche you got there. It’s a BMW..”


Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged, however, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he, reluctantly, let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’


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Terrorist Fail: Suicide Belt Detonates Prematurely


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Chuck


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Terrorist Fail: Suicide Belt Detonates Prematurely

Written by chuck on March 28, 2017 – 6:00 am -

A Syrian-based terror group is stting around singing, rifles stacked in the middle of the room and their flag draped on the wall above when a suicide belt goes off prematurely.


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Just a few jokes 3/28/2017

Written by chuck on March 27, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats…

A sure way to keep from cutting yourself when chopping vegetables is to have someone else hold them while you chop.

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.
“What’s the matter dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room. “Why are you down here at this time of night!?” The husband looks up from his drink, “I…t’s the 20th anniversary of the day we met.”
She can’t believe he has remembered. She starts to tear up.
The husband continues solemnly, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15.”
Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.
“Yes, I do,” she replies.
The husband pauses… the words were not coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.
“Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?'”
“I remember that too,” she replied softly…
He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”



I went to the drug store and told the clerk “Give me 3 packets of condoms, please.”
Lady Clerk: “Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
I said “Nah — She’s pretty good lookin’ . . . . . .



The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering.

Obviously they were thinking, ‘That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.’

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine – they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She
sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink..

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said ‘No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.’

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked ‘What is it you are waiting for?’

She answered

(Continue below – This is great)

‘THE TEETH.’



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What to Do: Car Sinking in Water, Only Seconds to React


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Chuck


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College Kids Say the Darndest Things: On Identity

Written by chuck on March 27, 2017 – 6:00 am -


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Just a few jokes 3/27/2017

Written by chuck on March 26, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Protip: Never pass gas while sitting on a wooden bench. Talk about amplification



Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign:
“Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“I am entering” said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her,
“Well, how did you do?”
” First Place ,” said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign:

“Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour he returns and they ask him,
“How did you make out?”
” First Place ,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign:

“Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
Pinocchio says “this is mine.”

Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.

“Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?” asked Pinocchio


A North Carolina State Trooper pulled a car over on US 301 about 2 miles south of the Virginia State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a juggler and was on his way to do a show at the Shrine Circus in Emporia. He didn’t want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn’t give him a ticket. He told the trooper he ha…d sent his equipment ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle. The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him. While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken good old boy traveling from Tennessee got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain’t no way in hell I can pass that test.”


WOMEN ARE UNIQUE ….
Husband’s Message (by cellphone):
Honey, a car has hit me as I was coming out of the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital.
They have been making tests and taking X-rays
The blow to my head has been very strong, fortunately it seems that did not cause any serious injury, but I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot….

Wife’s Response: Who is Paula?



Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


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