Just a few jokes 3/1/2017

Written by chuck on February 28, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

A man left Wisconsin for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip in New York and planned to fly down to meet him the next day. When the man arrived in Florida he e-mailed his wife to let her know he had arrived, but accidentally sent it to the wrong e-mail address. Instead of going to his wife his e-mail went to the inbox of a woman whose husband had just passed away. When the grieving widow opened her e-mail she screamed and fainted. Her son rushed into the room and found this message displayed on her computer screen: “My darling wife: I just checked in, everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. I’m looking forward to seeing you again. Your loving husband. p.s. Sure is hot down here.”

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and make bad decisions.

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home?
Joey says “A computer.” The teacher replies, “That would be very useful.”
Kimmy says “A new lawn mower.” and gets a similar response.

Little Johnny pops up and says “At my house we don’t need nothing!”
The teacher asks him to think again carefully, as everybody needs something.
Little Johnny replies, “No I’m sure. When Obama was re-elected, I remember my dad saying, ‘Well, that’s the last darn thing we needed.

I think You are the Father of one of my Kids!

A chap goes to the supermarket and notices a very attractive woman waving at him.She says, ‘Hello.’

He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he asks, ‘Do you know me?’

To which she replies, ‘I think you’re the father of one of my kids.’ Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife. So he asks, ‘Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?’

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, ‘No, I’m your son’s teacher.’

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