Just a few jokes 2/27/2017

Written by chuck on February 26, 2017 – 10:30 pm -



The Mensa Convention

There was a Mensa convention in San Francisco. Mensa, as you probably know, is a national organization for people who have an IQ of 140 o…r higher. Several of the Mensa members went out for lunch at a local café.
When they sat down, one of them discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper, and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the two bottles without spilling any, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for Mensa minds.

The group debated the problem and presented ideas and finally, came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over, ready to dazzle her with their solution.

“Ma’am,” they said, “we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker has pepper.”
But before they could finish, the waitress interrupted: “Oh sorry about that.”

She leaned over the table, unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

There was dead silence at the Mensa table.
Kind of reminds you of Washington DC., doesn’t it?

Logic
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In Japan, the fat intake in the average Japanese diet is very low and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

However, in France, the average fat intake is very high, and yet, the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In India almost no one drinks red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Spain, everybody drinks too much red wine and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Algeria, the average sexual activity ratio is very high and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Brazil, everybody has sex like crazy and the heart disease ratio is lower than in North America and the UK.

In Austria, adults smoke 2 packs of cigarettes per day, on average.

Conclusion: Drink, eat, smoke and screw all you want.
It’s speaking English that kills you.



A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said, “can we leave now?” “No” her mother replied.

“Well, I think I’m gonna be sick, Momma!” “Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush.”

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat. “Were you sick?” her mom asked. “Yes.” “How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick’.”


THIS IS THE BEST ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CNN (aka Clinton News Network) is nothing but FAKE news
A CNN reporter walks into a neighborhood tavern and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the end of the bar wearing a “Make America Great Again”hat. It didn’t take an Einstein to know the guy was a Donald Trump supporter.

The CNN guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, “Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, except for that Trump supporter.”

After the drinks were handed out the Trump guy gives the CNN guy a big smile, waves at him and says, in an equally loud voice, “Thank you!”

This infuriates the CNN reporter. So he once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the guy wearing the Trump hat. As before, this doesn’t seem to bother the Trump guy. He just continues to smile and again yells, “Thank you!”

So the CNN guy again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Trump guy. And again the Trump guy just smiles and yells back, “Thank you!”

At that point the aggravated CNN reporter asks the bartender, “What the hell is the matter with that Trump supporter? I’ve ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him and all the silly ass does is smile and thank me. Is he nuts?”

“Nope,” replies the bartender. “He owns the place.”

click here

The Walking Dead: Puppy Edition


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Thanks,

Chuck


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