Just a few jokes 2/22/2017

Written by chuck on February 21, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Farmer Jack once lived on Old Springville Road, a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and got so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.

So Farmer Jack called the local sheriff to complain, “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens,” he said.
“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the sheriff had the City Council erect a sign that said: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later Farmer Jack called the sheriff and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”

So again, they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY .

That really sped them up. So Farmer Jack called and said, “Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?”
In order to get Farmer Jack off his back said “Sure. Put up your own sign.
he phone calls to the Sheriff Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John, “How’s the problem with the speeding drivers.. did you put up your sign?”

Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.

The sheriff was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down..So he drove out to Farmer Jack’s house. His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.

‘NUDIST COLONY’ – ‘Slow down and watch for chicks!

My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and was tired after a long day of work. So I leaned over and kissed her good night…..



Three old maids die and arrive in heaven at the same time. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your pu…nishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”

The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, then one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on … very tall, dark hair, and muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word and walks away.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”

The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”



Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking ask her a question and see if she hears you.

If not, go to 30 feet , then 20 feet , and so on until you get a response..”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”
Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”
No response..

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

(I just love this)

“Ralph,.. for the FIFTH time,… CHICKEN!



click here

Man ‘discovers wife is prostitute


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


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