Just a few jokes 2/20/2017

Written by chuck on February 19, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

THESE REALLY WORK!!

AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETT…ING SOMEONE ELSE TO
HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU’LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE – WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE.
IF IT DOESN’T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.
IF IT SHOULDN’T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN’T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU’VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM. (I love this one!)

THOUGHT for the day:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES – NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING
BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY’RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

LEAVE it to a FARMER
A farmer died leaving his 17 horses to his 3 sons.
When his sons opened up the Will it read:
My eldest son should get 1/2 (half) of total h…orses;
My middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third) of the total horses;
My youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the total horses.
As it’s impossible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9,
The three sons started to fight with each other.
So, they decided to go to a farmer friend who they considered quite
smart, to see if he could work it out for them.
The farmer friend read the Will patiently, and after giving due thought.
He brought one of his own horses over and added it to the 17.
That increased the total to 18 horses.
Now, he divided the horses according to their father’s will.
Half of 18 = 9. So he gave the eldest son 9 horses.
1/3rd of 18 = 6. So he gave the middle son 6 horses.
1/9th of 18 = 2. So he gave the youngest son 2 horses.
Now add up how many horses they have:
Eldest son- 9
Middle son- 6
Youngest son- 2
TOTAL = 17
Now this leaves one horse over, so the farmer friend takes his horse back to his farm……
Problem solved! Just leave it to a farmer!

SENIOR TRYING TO RESET PASSWORD
WINDOWS:
Please enter your new password.

USER:
cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER:
boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER:
1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces

USER:
50damnboiledcabbages

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

USER:
50DAMNEDboiledcabbages

WINDOWS:
Sorry the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER:
50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYo urAssIfYouDon’ tGiveMeAccessNow!

WINDOWS:
Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:
ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCab bagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontG iveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS:
Sorry, that password is already in use


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


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