Just a few jokes 2/16/2017

Written by chuck on February 15, 2017 – 10:30 pm -

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put ‘poor planning’ as the cause of my accident.. 
 You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the
bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers
your inquiry.

Please share with your friends.

OK, I’m going to admit it. Its been bugging me for about 10 years now and I need to get it off my chest.
I let the dogs out!


Please share with your friends.

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack – selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, “Do you have water?

The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”

The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment – I spit on your ties. I need water!

“Sorry, I have none – just ties – pure silk – and only $5.”
“Pahh! A curse on your ties, I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!”

“Okay,” said the little old Jewish man, it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need…Go In Peace!

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, “They won’t let me in without a tie!


Please share with your friends.


Mexicans were asked what they thought of the proposed wall.

They replied, “We’ll get over it.”

click here

Students Protesting Trump’s Travel Ban


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


Posted in Fun Stuff | Comments Off on Just a few jokes 2/16/2017


Sorry, comments for this entry are closed at this time.