Global Warming – Arctic Report

Written by chuck on September 30, 2016 – 12:11 pm -


Friends, I have done research and this article in 100% correct.

The global warming/cooling debate has been going on for quite some time. Present day debate has evolved into three main factions: global warming believers; global warming heretics, and the solar cycle causation school of thought which believes we’re currently in a global cooling cycle. JR

The Arctic Ocean is warming up, icebergs are growing scarcer and in some places the seals are finding the water too hot, according to a report to the Commerce Department yesterday from Consulate, at Bergen, Norway

Reports from fishermen, seal hunters and explorers all point to a radical change in climate conditions and hitherto unheard-of temperatures in the Arctic zone.

Exploration expeditions report that scarcely any ice has been met as far north as 81 degrees 29 minutes.

Soundings to a depth of 3,100 meters showed the gulf stream still very warm.

Great masses of ice have been replaced by moraines of earth and stones, the report continued, while at many points well known glaciers have entirely disappeared.

Very few seals and no white fish are found in the eastern Arctic, while vast shoals of herring and smelts which have never before ventured so far north,
are being encountered in the old seal fishing grounds.

Within a few years it is predicted that due to the ice melt the sea will rise and make most coastal cities uninhabitable.

I must apologize.

I neglected to mention that this report was from November 2, 1922, as reported by the AP and published in The Washington Post – 93 years ago.

This must have been caused by the Model T Ford’s emissions.


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A successful business man was growing old …

Written by chuck on September 30, 2016 – 8:12 am -

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, “It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you..”

The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. “I am going to give each one of you a SEED today – one very special SEED… I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO.”

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.

Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn’t have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by — still nothing in Jim’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn’t say anything to his colleagues, however.

He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil – He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful — in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown,” said the CEO. “Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!”

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, “The CEO knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!”

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed – Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, “Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

His name is Jim!” Jim couldn’t believe it. Jim couldn’t even grow his seed.

“How could he be the new CEO?” the others said.

Then the CEO said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead – it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!”

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust
* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends
* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness
* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment
* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective
* If you plant hard work, you will reap success
* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
* If you plant faith in God, you will reap a harvest

So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

“Whatever You Give To Life, Life Gives You Back”


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17 Everyday Things You’ve Been Doing Wrong

Written by chuck on September 30, 2016 – 6:00 am -

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OUR LIGHTER SIDE “R” Rated 9/30/2016

Written by chuck on September 29, 2016 – 10:30 pm -

litttle-seizures

r-rated


I have a friend that said, “I would like to have a job cleaning mirrors.” I asked him, “Why?” He said, “I could really see myself doing that.”

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests

Eye Candy

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing….

________________________

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, “What the heck is going on here?”

The drunk, still staring down replied: “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost”

________________________

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click here

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing….

________________________


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck

**********************************

DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

—————
Adult Humor
—————

Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Send Jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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What Do Your Parents Do At Work?

Written by chuck on September 29, 2016 – 6:00 am -

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Just a few jokes 9/29/2016

Written by chuck on September 28, 2016 – 10:30 pm -

toiletMinnesota Fire Insurance 
  
A man and his wife moved back home to Minnesota from Arizona . 
 
The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Arizona was 
$2,000.00 a year!!! 
 
When they arrived in Minnesota , they went to Sven’s Insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure the wooden leg. Sven looked it up on his computer and said to the couple, “$39.00.” 
 
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap in 
Minnesota to insure, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Arizona ! 
 
Sven turned his computer screen to the couple and said, “Well, here it is on the screen, direct from Ole’s Minnesota Fire Insurance Company , it  says: Any wooden structure, with a  sprinkler system over it, is $39.00”. 
 
I always did find Minnesota logic far superior to most others. 


liberal-smart

Three Ladies in a Sauna

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND
THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. ‘THAT WAS MY PAGER,’ SHE SAID. I HAVE A
MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER
EAR.WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, ‘THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.

‘THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO
SOMETHINGJUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT O THE
BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER
REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID
….. WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT ……I’M GETTING A FAX!!

When you stop laughing, send this to those who will appreciate it. Gotta love the old gals!!!!


no-trespassing-hiding-bodies

Eight Words with two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male…. Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female…. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female…. An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female…… The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND:

He said . . . I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don’t you?

He said …. Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said… That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . … What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . …..Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . ….. Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . .. I would but you’re never there.


why-we-home-school

From the time I was able to vote I voted Republican.  I am now many years older.
 
Recently I received a questionnaire and request for money from the Republican Party and strongly agree with every question, as I have since Obama was elected.
 
Unfortunately the one question that was missing is: What have the Republicans done for the American people?
 
We gave you a majority in the House and Senate, and you never listened to us. Now you want our money, my money, more money.  You should be more concerned about our votes, not our money.
 
You are the establishment which means all you want is to save your jobs and line your pockets.
 
Well guess what? It’s not going to happen.
 
 
You might think we are fools because you feel Trump is on a self-destruct course, but look beyond Washington and listen to the masses. Nobody has achieved what he has, especially in the state of New York.
 
Here’s why I want Trump.  Yes, he’s a bit of an ass; yes, he’s an egomaniac; but I don’t care.
 
The country is a mess because politicians suck.
 
The Republican Party is two-faced and gutless, and illegals are everywhere.
 
I want it all fixed!
 
I don’t care that Trump is crude.
 
I don’t care that he insults people.
 
I don’t care that he has changed positions.
 
I don’t care that he’s been married 3 times.
 
I don’t care that he fights with Megan Kelly and Rosie O’Donnell.
 
I don’t care that he doesn’t know the name of some Muslim terrorist.
 
Our country has become weak, corrupt, bankrupt.  Our enemies are making fun of us.  We are being invaded by illegals.  We are becoming a nation of victims where every Tom, Ricardo and Hassid is a special group with special rights to a point where we don’t even recognize the country we were born and raised in, “AND I JUST WANT IT FIXED.”
 
And Trump is the only guy who seems to understand what the people want.
 
I’m sick of politicians, sick of the Democratic Party, the Republican Party, and sick of illegals. I just want this thing fixed.  Trump may not be a saint, but he doesn’t have lobbyist money controlling him; he doesn’t have political correctness restraining him; all you know is that he has been very successful; a good negotiator; he has built a lot of things; and, he’s also not a politician.  And, he says he’ll fix it.  And, I believe him because he is too much of an egotist to be proven wrong or looked at and called a liar.
 
I don’t care if the guy has bad hair.

click here

Yes, I have posted this before, but it is still funny every time I see it.

Barack Obama: “I Ended The War In Iraq” Hypocrisy At It’s Finest


Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck


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What loving your kids really means

Written by chuck on September 28, 2016 – 9:01 am -

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OUR LIGHTER SIDE “R” Rated 9/28/2016

Written by chuck on September 27, 2016 – 10:30 pm -

r-rated
not-banging-your-girl-friend

I would like a woman who is honest, unselfish, emotionally stable, loving, constant, and sweet. I have a better chance of being hit by lightning.

I noticed you have a small head

These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid’s house.

Eye Candy

This guy went into a bar and ordered a beer.
 
He happened to look down the bar and see a man sitting there with a head the size of a cue ball.
 
So he walked down and said to the man, “Excuse me sir, I don’t mean to be rude but I noticed you have a small head. Is this a birth defect?”

The man said “No, I got this in the war.
 
My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII.
 
I was the only survivor on the ship so I swam to shore.
 
One day a mermaid swam up to me and said she would grant me three wishes.
 
For my first wish I wanted to return to the U.S.
 
The mermaid granted that wish.
 
My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need.
 
Wish granted.
 
My third wish was to have sex with the mermaid.
 
She said, ‘I can’t grant that wish because mermaids can’t have sex.’”

So I said, “How about a little head?”

________________________

These two poor kids go to a birthday party at a rich kid’s house. The kid
is so rich that he has his own swimming pool and all the kids go in.

As they’re changing afterwards, one of the poor kids says to the other
one, “Did you notice how small the rich kids’ penises were?”

“Yeah,” says his mate, “It’s probably because they’ve got toys to play with.”

________________________

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click here

German Beer Ad

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Please share my blog with your friends.

Thanks,

Chuck

**********************************

DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

—————
Adult Humor
—————

Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Send Jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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Just a few jokes 9/27/2016

Written by chuck on September 26, 2016 – 10:30 pm -

If you have been reading my blog for the last 20 years you will have seen this, if not you will read it now!

What Is Couple Sex?

An 6-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, “Grampa, what is couple sex?”

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she’s old enough to know to ask the question, then she’s old enough to get a straight answer.

Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, “Why did you ask this question, honey?”

The little girl replied, “Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.


one-littler-burp-more-carbon

A man had front 50 yard line tickets for the Alabama/Auburn game when another guy comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. “Nope”, he replied, “that seat is empty”.

“Whoah! That’s crazy!”, said the guy. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the best game of the year, and not even bother show up?”

Sadly, the man says, “Well… the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Iron Bowl we have missed since we got married in 1964.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. What a shame. But couldn’t you find someone else – a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?”

“Nah,” the man replies as he shakes his head, “they’re all at the funeral.”


crack-head

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he’s ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn’t sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.

The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” Distraught, the man is forced to leave.

Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.

The monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk.”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk.”

The man sets about his task.

After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.

“In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is beyond that door.”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.

Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is apprehensive to no end. His life’s wish is behind that door!

With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound……

But, of course, I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk…


female-digging-up-the-pass

Is all paper dead?


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Thanks,

Chuck


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Girl with a ………….

Written by chuck on September 26, 2016 – 6:00 am -

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