OUR LIGHTER SIDE 6/1/2015

Written by chuck on May 31, 2015 – 10:30 pm -

r-rated


Hillary says “Every life matters” but supports abortion. Hypocrisy anyone?

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More clean jokes

Written by chuck on May 31, 2015 – 5:00 pm -

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times…

When she is about to hand him another batch again ….he asks the little old lady, ‘Why don’t you eat the peanuts yourself?’.

‘We can’t chew them because we’ve got no teeth’, she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, ‘Why do you buy them then?’

The old lady replied, ‘We just love the chocolate around them.’

It pays to be careful around old people…….

cops tried to block this guy in

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have terminal cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.? ‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when? ? things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have terminal cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a champagne.’

After 3 or 4 champagnes, the two were feeling a little less sombre. There were some laughs and more champagnes.? They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
? The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ‘I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.’? The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.?
After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, ‘Mum, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS!  Why did you do that?’

‘Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’?

And THAT, my friends, is what is called,?

‘Putting Your Affairs In Order.’

how smart are you001

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS????

A drunk man who smelled like beersat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his facewas plastered with red lipstick,and
a half-empty bottle of gin was stickingout of his torn coat pocket.He
opened his newspaper andbegan reading.

After a few minutes the manturned to the priest and asked,? ‘Say Father,
what causes arthritis?’

The priest replies, ‘My Son, it’scaused by loose living,being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.’

The drunk muttered in response,’Well, I’ll be damned,’Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about whathe had said, nudged the man and
apologized. ‘I’m very sorry.I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long
have you had arthritis’

The drunk answered, ‘I don’t have it, Father.I was just reading here
that the Pope does.’


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A Pack Of 50 Niggletts Jump A 61 Year Old White Man

Written by chuck on May 15, 2015 – 3:19 pm -

Language Warning


Language Warning


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Thanks for reading OLS

Written by chuck on May 6, 2015 – 7:54 am -

Hi friends, I started OLS in the early 90’s as a hobby. I am tired and need a break. I will make no posts for the rest of the month. I will decide the first of June to start back up or close OLS down.

Thanks for reading OLS.

Chuck


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 5/6/2015

Written by chuck on May 5, 2015 – 10:30 pm -

r-rated

Clean mind or dirty mind?

tumblr_mljat0rrzA1qhfp8lo2_250


If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey, would you be stoned off your ass?

Little Johnny is in math class one day when the teacher calls on him.

The Story of The Star Spangled Banner As You’ve Never Heard It

Poll: If you were an orphan..
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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 5/5/2015

Written by chuck on May 4, 2015 – 10:30 pm -

r-rated


FACT : 716 Billion dollars was taken from MEDCARE for Obamacare , Now their saying we need to cut MEDCARE by 124 billion to doctors , because it’s going broken. The only thing that is broke is our Muslim Presidents head

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A few more jokes

Real women

The Making of Real Dolls, the Customizable, High-End Sex Toy

Ed wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office…

Eye Candy more Cow Girl Hats

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real women make your dick hard

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Request: If you order from Amazon, please use the link on my main page. This helps supports my blog and Eye-Candy! Thanks… Chuck

Please tell your friends about Chuck’s blog and OLS
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click here

The Making of Real Dolls, the Customizable, High-End Sex Toy

________________________

Ed wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office…

But she was dating someone else.  One day Ed got so frustrated that he went to her and said, ‘I’ll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you.
 
The girl looked at him, and then said, ‘NO!’
 
Ed said, ‘I’ll be real fast. I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I’ll finish by the time you’ve picked it up.’
 
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend.  So she called him and explained the situation.
 
Her boy friend says, ‘Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast.  He won’t even be able to get his pants down.’  She agreed and accepts the proposal.  Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend’s call.
 
Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, ‘What happened.?’  Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, ‘The bastard had all dimes!’
 
Management lesson:  Always consider a business proposition in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting  screwed.
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cow girl hats011

cow girl hats010

cow girl hats009

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cow girl hats013

cow girl hats012

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Send Jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 5/4/2015

Written by chuck on May 3, 2015 – 10:30 pm -

putin tattoo

r-rated

sexy085


 Why can’t an Iranian be circumcised? (old Middle East joke)
Because there is no end to the prick.

Sex Chain Letter that Really Works…

Politically Challenged

WELCOME to 2015:

Eye Candy
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A few more jokes

Written by chuck on May 2, 2015 – 2:56 pm -


two old men

Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Russ didn’t show up.
Fred didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something..
But after Russ hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Fred really got worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Fred didn’t know
where Russ lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.


ATT00002

A month had passed, and Fred figured he had seen the last of Russ, but one day,
Fred approached the park and– lo and behold!–there sat Russ!
Fred was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.

Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Russ, what in the world happened to you?’

Russ replied, ‘I have been in jail.’

‘Jail!’ cried Fred. What in the world for?’

‘Well,’ Russ said, ‘you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the
coffee shop where I sometimes go?’

‘Yeah,’ said Fred, ‘I remember her. What about her?

‘Well,  the little gold-digging witch figured I was rich and she filed rape charges
against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court,

I pleaded ‘guilty’.

‘The judge gave me 30 days for  perjury.’


blue down

A Little 10-year-old girl was walking home, alone, from school one day, when a big man on a black motorcycle pulls up beside her.

After following along for a while, turns to her and asks,
“Hey there little girl, do you want to go for a ride?”

“NO!” says the little girl as she keeps on walking.

The motorcyclist again pulls up beside her and asks,
“Hey little girl, I will give you $10 if you hop on the back.”

“NO!” says the little girl again as she hurries down the street.
The motorcyclist pulls up beside the little girl again and says,

“Okay kid, my last offer! I’ll give you 20 Bucks “and” a Big Bag of Candy if you will just hop on the back of my bike and we will go for a ride.”

Finally, the little girl stops and turns towards him and Screams Out…

“Look Dad” “You’re the one who bought the Honda instead of the Harley …YOU RIDE IT!!


blue down

The blond golfer
   
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly
round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young
blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.
 
She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of
golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio whether she
could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed. Smiling, the blonde thanked them
and said, “Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer,
so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you want to smoke cigars,
have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-colour stories or do anything that
you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But, I enjoy
playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don’t try to coach me
on how to play my shots.”

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first.
All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her ball
on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270yards down
the middle, right in front of the green.

The father’s mouth was agape. “That was beautiful,” he said.
The blonde put her driver away and said, “I really didn’t get into it, and
I faded it a little.”

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde
took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole.
(She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, “Damn, lady, you played that perfectly.”

The blonde frowned and said, “It was a little weak, but even an easy seven
would have been too much club. I’ve left a tricky littleputt.” She
then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.
       
Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck out
of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the middle of
the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the
guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and
had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, “I really want to
thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling
me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a
69 and I’d really like to break 70 on this course.
       
If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I’ll take him
back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill Scotch in
him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good time the
rest of the night.”

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green,
carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, “Honey, aim
about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup.”
       
The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb.

“Don’t listen to the kid, darling’, you want to hit it softly 10
inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so
it falls into the cup.”
       
The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde’s ball,
picked it up and handed it to her and said, “That’s a gimme,
sweetheart.”

The blonde smiled and said, “Your car or mine?”

       REMEMBER . . . OLD AGE
AND TREACHERY WILL OVERCOME YOUTH AND SKILL EVERY TIME


blue down

A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers,
Went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill Downs) to learn
About thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon), but
Mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided
That the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s room when

One of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the
Urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and
Began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their ‘wee-wees’
To direct the flow away from their clothes.

As she lifted one little guy, she couldn’t help but notice that he was
Unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the
teacher said, “You must be in the 5th grade.”
                                                                                          
“No, ma’am,” he replied. “I’m riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race,
But I appreciate your help.


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Politically-Challenged: Texas Tech Edition

Written by chuck on May 2, 2015 – 10:33 am -

This would be funny if it was not so true. Can you blame this on government schools. I feel you can blame it on government schools and their parents.


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Reagan Warned Us About Obama

Written by chuck on May 2, 2015 – 8:33 am -


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