Keeping up with the Jones’s

Written by chuck on March 31, 2015 – 6:00 am -

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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/31/2015

Written by chuck on March 30, 2015 – 10:30 pm -

r-rated


So I heard they’re opening up dentist offices in Walmart. They are even including an express lane for people with 15 teeth or less!

TAX ACCOUNTANT ON PHONE WITH  HIS CLIENT

Shall I slide down the banister and warm up the supper?

Four wise women

boobmail1

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Just a few more clean funny jokes

Written by chuck on March 30, 2015 – 2:58 pm -

At dinner, little Johnny was asked to lead the prayer.

Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper.

Results of a Survey of Women Regarding Size

Car Sex

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never make a child say a pray

At dinner, little Johnny was asked to lead the prayer.

“But I don’t know how to pray,” he replied.

“Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc.,” said his father.

“Okay”, the boy said,”.

“Dear Lord,… Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream.

Bless them so they won’t come again.

Forgive our neighbor’s son, who removed my sister’s clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.

This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my Daddy’s Blackberry.

And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom’s room when Daddy is at work.  AMEN”
Dinner was canceled.


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Dating Ads for Seniors found in a Florida Newspaper.

You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ”The Villages” Florida newspaper.

FOXY LADY :
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,
80’s, slim, 5’4′ (used to be 5’6′),
Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
—————————————————-
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
—————————————————-
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and
meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together,
take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
—————————————————-
WINNING SMILE :
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser
to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
—————————————————-
BEATLES OR STONES ?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on
Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,
let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
—————————————————-
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday,
let’s put our two heads together.
—————————————————-
My favorite ad

MINT CONDITION  :
Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.
Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.


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Results of a Survey of Women Regarding Size

2 inches – I can’t even hold it.

3 inches – Never been so unsatisfied

4 inches – I’ve had bigger than it…

5 inches – Good, but I wish a bit bigger!

6 inches – perfect.

7 inches – Love it.

8 inches – Wow! but can’t have it all.

9 inches – Painful but manageable.

10 inches – Too much pressure on stomach.

This survey was actually a Customer’s Feedback on different sizes of Firehouse Sandwiches!

By the way what were you thinking? This is why I worry about you!


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Car sex…thru a long lens…
This photographer must have used a very powerful lens to be
able to photograph this scene.
Check out the pictures – one by one.

car-sexl006

car-sexl007

car-sexl008

car-sexl009

car-sexl010

What did you expect to see ??
Yup, you’re as sick & twisted as me!
I was straining my eyeballs to try &
see through the back window too!


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/30/2015

Written by chuck on March 29, 2015 – 10:30 pm -


accurate fortune cookie

r-rated


Harry Truman on paparazzi, “They always take two pictures – in case the first one was good”

Warning About EBay

Urinal at golf course

Just a few funny jokes

Sexy Eye Candy
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Sound-based fire extinguisher

Written by chuck on March 29, 2015 – 8:03 am -

Pump Up the Bass to Douse a Blaze: Mason Students’ Invention Fights Fires

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Just a few more clean funny jokes

Written by chuck on March 28, 2015 – 5:27 pm -

gang turf war

Four friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion…..

One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how successful their sons
became.

No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich, he gave his best
friend a Ferrari.

No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline and became so rich, he gave his
best friend a jet.

No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development company became so rich, he
built his best friend a castle.

No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.

They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became and asked her
about her son.

She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.

The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not becoming successful.

” Oh no !! ” said the Lady, he is doing good.

” Last week on his birthday he got a Ferrari, a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends…”
.
All three Ladies fainted


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With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband:

“Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No,” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of her
blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky
push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.

She then asked him,
“Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“Uh… no, I haven’t,” he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.

She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and
seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties and pulled out a
crumpled Fifty Do llar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill, and started breathing a little
quicker with anticipation.

“Now,” she said, “Have you ever seen $50,000 Dollars all crumpled up?”

He said “No!” trying to hide his arousal.

She said … “Check the garage.”


the_focused_reader_02

Two policemen call the station on the radio.

“Hello, is that you, Sarge?”

“Yes”

“We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she’d just mopped clean.”

“Have you arrested the woman?”

“No sir . . . the floor’s still wet.”


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A Young Doctor….

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.  At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”

The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the fresh fruit.  Cut back on the amount you’ve been eating and see if that does the trick?”

As they left, the younger man said, “You didn’t even examine that woman?How did you come to the diagnosis so quickly?”  You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there?  Well, when I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash.  That was what probably was making her sick.”

The  younger doctor said, “Pretty clever!  If you don’t mind, I think I’ll try that at the next house.”
Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman.  She said that she just didn’t have the energy she once did and said, “I’m feeling terribly run down lately.”

“You’ve probably been doing too much for the Church,” the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that   helps.”

As  they left, the older doctor said, “I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, she’s very active in the church but how did you arrive at it?”

“I  did what you did at the last house. I dropped my stethoscope and, when I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the priest under the  bed.


the_focused_reader_02

After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now … I have a $750,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”

My wife being a very reasonable woman responded; “go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and I will make sure that you will once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren’t older women great?
They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems!

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Warning Not to Use E15 Gas in Your Car: FOX Business

Written by chuck on March 27, 2015 – 6:36 pm -

The damn EPA needs to close down.

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The Black Spur Wind storm Tree Fall, Victoria, Australia

Written by chuck on March 27, 2015 – 2:30 pm -

This can happen in the USA. Stay off of the road in high winds.

Published on Jan 16, 2015

This educational video taken with a dash cam 29 December 2014 at approximately 2.15pm shows the results of a strip wind storm on a small country highway in central Victoria. The windstorm weaved its way up the Watt’s River valley before creating havoc at the Watt’s River bridge.
This is a great educational video showing the dangers of traveling in the bush during periods of high wind.

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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/27/2015

Written by chuck on March 26, 2015 – 10:30 pm -


Filling Pop tarts

filling poptarts

r-rated


Two terms in the phrase “fast food”. It usually is NOT fast and it barely tastes like food.

One is using a guide dog …

Sex record

Adult Humor
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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/26/2015

Written by chuck on March 25, 2015 – 10:30 pm -

r-rated

honesty is always the best policy where do babies come from


If Eve doomed the entire human race for an apple, I wonder what she would have done for a Klondike bar?

The difference between “Complete” or “Finished” and then a few jokes

New on the job

No one is an atheist

Little girls cry

Little girls cry

We like asses too

Who tied your shoes?

honesty is always the best policy where do babies come from

Sexy Eye Candy
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click here

The difference between “Complete” or “Finished” and then a few jokes

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Request: If you order from Amazon, please use the link on my main page. This helps supports my blog and Eye-Candy! Thanks… Chuck

Please tell your friends about Chuck’s blog and OLS
________________________

new on the job ols 3-26-15

no one is an atheist

little girls cry
we like asses too ols-3-26-15

who ties your shoes fb-2-22-15 ols-3-26-15

________________________

boobmail

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Send Jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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