OUR LIGHTER SIDE 1/1/2015

Written by chuck on December 31, 2014 – 10:30 pm -

r-rated


If you can’t fix it with duct tape or a beer, it ain’t worth fixing.

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard

Sexual activities

I get 51 MPG, what do you get?

Sweethearts

Nice bikini

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Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always gets wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie’s.?

The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains. So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, “Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?”?

“Well,” says Sophie, “when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it’s going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it’s going to rain, so I don’t hang out the wash.”?

“What if he has an erection?” asks one of the women.?
“Honey,” replies Sophie, “Who on Earth wants to do laundry on a day like that?”
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Request: If you order from Amazon, please use the link on my main page. This helps supports my blog and Eye-Candy! Thanks… Chuck

Please tell your friends about Chuck’s blog and OLS
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sexaul activites
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what do you get

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Sweethearts

An elderly lady was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner one evening. She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

    While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, ‘I think it’s wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names.’

    The elderly lady hung her head, ‘I have to tell you the truth,’ she said, ‘his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I’m scared to death to ask the cranky old asshole what his name is.’

old ladies
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click here

Nice bikini

click here


AdamEveToys.com

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Send Jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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Dog Receives 210 Bottles for Christmas

Written by chuck on December 31, 2014 – 8:06 pm -

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Farm-Fresh Fruit Gifts from Florida’s Indian River Region

Since 1947, we have built a reputation for unique fruit gifts fresh from Florida. Unlike other gifting companies, we hand pick your citrus gifts fresh from Florida groves as soon as we receive your gift order and not a minute before. Our special location along Florida’s Indian River helps us grow the best fruit gifts including our sweet Florida oranges, our grove fresh navels , our world-renowned Indian River grapefruit and our rare and limited honeybells . When you place your gift order with us, your citrus gift is still ripening and sweetening on the tree.

CLICK HERE for a super deal Gift basket with Chocolate &fruit

Click here for baskets under $30


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Penis-Shaped Play-Doh Pump

Written by chuck on December 31, 2014 – 5:47 pm -

I am not a prude, but what the HELL is Play-Doh’s thinking? I was hoping this was a hoax, but seems it is not. :(

According to its commercial, Play-Doh’s Cake Mountain is “silly layers of cake-making fun!” But according to post-Christmas parents on social media, it’s at-home pornography kit, complete with a ridiculously phallic shaped Play-Doh icing pump. Well we don’t disagree with them (it totally looks like a penis), it’s like, chill out squares, they gotta learn about dongs and bees sometime.

Read more with video

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Farm-Fresh Fruit Gifts from Florida’s Indian River Region

Since 1947, we have built a reputation for unique fruit gifts fresh from Florida. Unlike other gifting companies, we hand pick your citrus gifts fresh from Florida groves as soon as we receive your gift order and not a minute before. Our special location along Florida’s Indian River helps us grow the best fruit gifts including our sweet Florida oranges, our grove fresh navels , our world-renowned Indian River grapefruit and our rare and limited honeybells . When you place your gift order with us, your citrus gift is still ripening and sweetening on the tree.

CLICK HERE for a super deal Gift basket with Chocolate &fruit

Click here for baskets under $30


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FOR THOSE WHO LOVE CHAMPAGNE / WINE~~

Written by chuck on December 31, 2014 – 2:51 pm -

Happy New Year! Tonight the champagne will flow more freely than water, and if you are going to impress your friends and loved ones you had better know what you are talking about when it comes to the “bubbly”.

Today’s Random Fact:

First…the subtle difference between sparkling wine and champagne. There is none. The only difference is that authentic ‘champagne’ comes from the Champagne region of France. But as far as alcohol content, production, etc…
it’s the exact same stuff.

Here’s the important part. Do you want a champagne that is more dry or sweet? That all depends on your preference, of course. But after you’ve polished off a few dozen bottles and you know what you like… this is a list of the common names you will find on Champagne labels, from driest to sweetest:

*Extra Brut, Brut Sauvage, Ultra Brut, Brut Integral, Brut Zero *Brut *Extra Dry, Extra Sec *Sec *Demi-Sec *Doux

Brut is the most popular style, and often, the best grapes are reserved for Bruts.

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Bonus Fact:

And finally…Bottle size! Because sparkling wine should be consumed when it is opened, size matters.

Champagne comes in “splits” — perfect for one or two — all the way to the enormous Nebuchadnezzar (508 fluid ounces).

If you want more volume than just a single bottle will afford you can get the showy magnums (nearly 51 ounces, or two bottles), or…

Jeroboam (4 bottles)

Balthazar (16 bottles)

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Farm-Fresh Fruit Gifts from Florida’s Indian River Region

Since 1947, we have built a reputation for unique fruit gifts fresh from Florida. Unlike other gifting companies, we hand pick your citrus gifts fresh from Florida groves as soon as we receive your gift order and not a minute before. Our special location along Florida’s Indian River helps us grow the best fruit gifts including our sweet Florida oranges, our grove fresh navels , our world-renowned Indian River grapefruit and our rare and limited honeybells . When you place your gift order with us, your citrus gift is still ripening and sweetening on the tree.

CLICK HERE for a super deal Gift basket with Chocolate &fruit

Click here for baskets under $30


Posted in Miscellaneous | No Comments »

When it rains, it pours.

Written by chuck on December 31, 2014 – 8:49 am -

” He says city engineers will look at the building’s structural integrity.”

I am no engineer, but I even know there is a huge problem with the structural integrity. :?

Published December 30, 2014
Associated Press

Cars buried in salt after wall collapses at storage facility

A wall at a Morton Salt storage facility has collapsed, burying several cars at a next door auto dealership in road salt.

Company spokeswoman Denise Lauer says a side wall broke Tuesday afternoon on Chicago’s northwest side, spilling road salt outside the facility and onto the neighboring property. Morton Salt Inc. is a 100-year-old company based in Chicago best known for its pourable table salt.

No injuries were reported.

Chicago Fire Department spokesman Larry Langford says the collapse happened around 2 p.m. He says several cars are buried in salt. He says city engineers will look at the building’s structural integrity.

Click to read more with photo

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Farm-Fresh Fruit Gifts from Florida’s Indian River Region

Since 1947, we have built a reputation for unique fruit gifts fresh from Florida. Unlike other gifting companies, we hand pick your citrus gifts fresh from Florida groves as soon as we receive your gift order and not a minute before. Our special location along Florida’s Indian River helps us grow the best fruit gifts including our sweet Florida oranges, our grove fresh navels , our world-renowned Indian River grapefruit and our rare and limited honeybells . When you place your gift order with us, your citrus gift is still ripening and sweetening on the tree.

CLICK HERE for a super deal Gift basket with Chocolate &fruit

Click here for baskets under $30


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/31/2014 Happy New Year

Written by chuck on December 30, 2014 – 10:30 pm -


sexy posters-6

r-rated

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week, whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.

This is upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.

Some revealing messages & Will Rogers Quotes

Another of Einstein’s Theories

Prom date

Christmas Cookies, after Christmas, but I bet you will not complain!
Read more »


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Some revealing messages & Will Rogers Quotes

Written by chuck on December 30, 2014 – 7:50 am -

In a Bangkok Temple :
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER,IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor’s office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Dry cleaners, Bangkok :
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the main road to Mombasa , leaving Nairobi :
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER,THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Kencom:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

In a Cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES …

Tokyo hotel’s rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss Restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo Bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR, WITH PLEASURE, IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY.

A sign posted in Germany ‘s Black Forest :
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE..

Hotel, Zurich :
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand :
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen :
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A Laundry in Rome :
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Seen in an Abu Dhabi Souk shop window :
IF THE FRONT IS CLOSED PLEASE ENTER THROUGH MY BACKSIDE…

motivation posters-6

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in

Alaska with bush pilot Wiley Post, was one of the
great political country/cowboy sages of USA.

Some of his sayings

1. Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:

#The ones that learn by reading.
#The few who learn by observation.
#The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you’re riding’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

11. Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.

The moral: When you’re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

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Farm-Fresh Fruit Gifts from Florida’s Indian River Region

Since 1947, we have built a reputation for unique fruit gifts fresh from Florida. Unlike other gifting companies, we hand pick your citrus gifts fresh from Florida groves as soon as we receive your gift order and not a minute before. Our special location along Florida’s Indian River helps us grow the best fruit gifts including our sweet Florida oranges, our grove fresh navels , our world-renowned Indian River grapefruit and our rare and limited honeybells . When you place your gift order with us, your citrus gift is still ripening and sweetening on the tree.

CLICK HERE for a super deal Gift basket with Chocolate &fruit

Click here for baskets under $30


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/30/2014

Written by chuck on December 29, 2014 – 10:30 pm -

sexy033

r-rated


I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

How rednecks properly destroy Lipo batteries

Stripper G string

How the Mustache was Invented

Flexibility
Read more »


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/29/2014

Written by chuck on December 28, 2014 – 10:30 pm -

MA_prob_54

r-rated


I got laser eye surgery a month ago, but I still can’t shoot lasers out of my eyes. Am I doing it wrong, or should I get a refund?

Four good reasons NOT to drive a small car …….

TOOL NUTS!!!

My penis tastes funny

Four jokes and a turkey cooking tip
Read more »


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86 year old letter to the bank.

Written by chuck on December 28, 2014 – 11:46 am -

I bet we all would agree with the ladies letter! I have been told it is a legend, but I could see it being real.

Don’t make old people mad.

If you’ve ever tried making a phone call to an institution, or had anything to do with a bank or cable company, for that matter, you’ll love the response of this 86-year-old woman after her experience. The bank manager evidently thought it good enough that he had it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an OFFENSE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contract which I require your chosen employee to complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me

#2. To query a missing payment.

#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

#4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

#5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

#7. To leave a message on my computer (A password to access my computer is required. It will be communicated at a later date to the Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.)

#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through #9 or to make a general complaint or inquiry. (The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.)

#10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous coming year?

Your Humble Client

PS. It would be a good practice of your institution to avoid making old people like me mad. We don’t like being old in the first place. So it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

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Farm-Fresh Fruit Gifts from Florida’s Indian River Region

Since 1947, we have built a reputation for unique fruit gifts fresh from Florida. Unlike other gifting companies, we hand pick your citrus gifts fresh from Florida groves as soon as we receive your gift order and not a minute before. Our special location along Florida’s Indian River helps us grow the best fruit gifts including our sweet Florida oranges, our grove fresh navels , our world-renowned Indian River grapefruit and our rare and limited honeybells . When you place your gift order with us, your citrus gift is still ripening and sweetening on the tree.

CLICK HERE for a super deal Gift basket with Chocolate &fruit

Click here for baskets under $30


Posted in Fun Stuff | No Comments »