OUR LIGHTER SIDE 10/1/2014

Written by chuck on September 30, 2014 – 10:00 pm -

r-rated


I started to think I had a drinking problem…..But then I found two beers hidden in the back of the fridge! “Problem” solved!

Chain Letter

Empathy For A Homesick Snowbir

The Farmer

Win a Fiat. Simply answer just One Question:
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The truth & nothing but the truth

Written by chuck on September 30, 2014 – 11:00 am -

the truth


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People who make you feel like a genius

Written by chuck on September 30, 2014 – 4:00 am -

The guy who doesn’t know how to block the sun
smart-4

The girl who can’t pump gas

smart-6

The person who thinks he/she drives a shopping cart
smart-8

The person who is wondering why her/his bike is always stolen

smart-1

The person who shouldn’t have passed his/her road test

smart-2

The man who forgot how to use an umbrella

smart-3

The guy who is more concerned about his hair’s safetysmart-7

The singer who forgot how to hold the mic

smart-5

See, you’re smarter than you thought.

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Pirelli, an amazing walk on Christ The Redeemer

Written by chuck on September 30, 2014 – 1:00 am -

At first I thought this was a joke that I posted a while back. It is not, this is serious stuff!

Watch the powerful images of workers, working at an altitude of 30 metres, as they restore the lightening damaged statue of Christ the Redeemer, one of the symbols of Rio de Janeiro.


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 9/30/2014

Written by chuck on September 29, 2014 – 10:30 pm -

redneck fire alarm

r-rated


Emergency call: “911, What is your emergency?” “Two girls are fighting over me!” “So what’s the problem sir?” “The ugly one is winning!

Mickey and Minnie Mouse are in the middle of a divorce.

How to prevent Closed Eyes in Photos

Colonoscopy

Great advantage on being a Muslim

Why I don’t do senior Bingo…. The excitement of hitting a BINGO in the Senior Citizen Center.
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Gun-Carrying Customers Get Discount At Restaurant

Written by chuck on September 29, 2014 – 4:15 pm -

I would eat here very often. We need a restaurant like this in Alabama.

PORT ALLEN, LA (CBS Houston) – Gun-carrying customers at one restaurant will receive a special discount for simply bringing it inside.

Restaurant owner Kevin Cox shared that he started a new promotion two weeks ago at his restaurant, Bergeron’s, to help some customers save money.

“If you have a gun on you, I’m going to give you a discount,” Cox told WTSP.

Patrons will receive a 10 percent discount if they are carrying a gun into Bergeron’s. Cox explained that the idea began with police officers who would carry their duty weapons on their side.

“My friends and relatives would come in with their guns on their holster. I felt good about that. It made me feel safer that they were there with their gun so why not include all good citizens with the officers too,” Cox shared with WTSP.

He added that roughly 500 people eat at his restaurant daily, which features fried catfish as one of the top item sellers. Customers love Cox’s idea and feel protected by patrons who are carrying guns in the restaurant.

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Bible sales

Written by chuck on September 29, 2014 – 4:00 pm -

Church going friends, you can tell this in Sunday School next week!

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial
troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons
of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation
who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for
$10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and
were likely capable of selling some Bibles. But he had serious doubts about
Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to himself because he was
embarrassed by his speech impediment.

Poor Louie stuttered badly. But, NOT WANTING TO discourage Louie, the
minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with
Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their
door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked
Jack, “Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?”

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, “Using my sales
prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here’s the $200 I collected on
behalf of the church.”

“Fine job, Jack!” The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand…”You are
indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you.”

Turning to Paul, “And Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last
week?”

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, ‘I am a
professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here’s
$280 I collected.’

The minister responded, “That’s absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a
professional salesman and the church is indebted to you.”

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, “And Louie, did you
manage to sell any Bibles last week?” Louie silently offered the minister a
large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. “What is this?”
the minister exclaimed. “Louie, there’s $3200 in here! Are you suggesting
that you sold 320 Bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?”

Louie just nodded.

“That’s impossible!” both Jack and Paul said in unison. “We are professional
salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many Bibles as we could.”

“Yes, this does seem unlikely,” the minister agreed. “I think you’d better
explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie.”

Louie shrugged.. “I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don’t kn-kn-know f-f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure,” he stammered.

Impatiently, Peter interrupted. “For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us
what you said to them when they answered the door!”

“A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was,” Louis replied, “W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks—o-o-o-or— wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just
l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to
y-y-you?”


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Four Funny Commercials

Written by chuck on September 29, 2014 – 3:19 pm -


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HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2059

Written by chuck on September 29, 2014 – 2:00 pm -

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California .

White minorities still trying to have English
recognized as the third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica . No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 245 lbs.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 5 illegitimate children.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.


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The Farmer

Written by chuck on September 29, 2014 – 12:00 pm -

Farmer Jack once lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up and eventually got so heavy and so fast that his free range chickens were being run over, at a rate of three to six a week.

So Farmer Jack called the local police station to complain, “You’ve got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens,” he said to the local police officer.

“What do you want me to do?” asked the policeman.

“I don’t care, just do something about those crazy drivers!”

So the next day the policeman had the Council erect a sign that said: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer Jack called the policeman and said, “You’ve still got to do something about these drivers.

The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go even faster!”

So again, they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

That really sped them up. So Farmer Jack called and said, “Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?”

In order to get Farmer Jack off his back said “Sure. Put up your own sign.

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the Officer, so he called Farmer John,

“How’s the problem with the speeding drivers. Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed.

The policeman was really curious and thought he’d better go out and take a look at the sign.

He also thought the sign might be something the Police could use elsewhere, to slow drivers down..

So he drove out to Farmer Jack’s house.

His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.

‘NUDIST COLONY’ ‘Slow down and watch for chicks!’


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