Harry & Bess Truman / A Real President

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 7:00 pm -

It’s one you want your Children and Grandchildren to read.They won’t believe this happened, but it DID. Harry & Bess

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Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation’s history as any of the other 32 Presidents preceding him. However, a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he left the White House.

The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which was in Independence , Missouri . His wife had inherited the house from her mother and father and other than their years in the White House, they lived their entire lives there.

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When he retired from office in 1952 his income was a U.S. Army pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress, noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking them, granted him an ‘allowance’ and later, a retroactive pension of $25,000 per year.

After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no Secret Service following them.

When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined, stating, “You don’t want me. You want the office of the President, and that doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to the American people and it’s not for sale.”

Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused to accept it, writing, “I don’t consider that I have done anything which should be the reason for any award, Congressional or otherwise.”

As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.

Modern politicians have found a new level of success in cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth. Today, too many in Congress also have found a way to become quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices. Political offices are now for sale (ie. Illinois ).

Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, “My choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house or a politician. And to tell the truth, there’s hardly any difference!

We ought to have cloned him for telling it like it is and being frugal with our tax dollars!


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Russian Tampax Commercial

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 6:33 pm -


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The “Y” chromosone

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 6:00 pm -

THE ‘Y’ CHROMOSOME

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People born before 1946 are called –
The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called –
The Baby Boomers.

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People born between 1965 and 1979 are called –
Generation X.

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And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called –
Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
But perhaps a cartoonist explained
It most eloquently below…

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Just thought you might want to know “Y”


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How-To Install a Ceiling Fan With Savannah

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 4:18 pm -

Upgrading to a new ceiling fan can not only make your room look a lot nicer but it will help save you money on your electricity bill. Follow Savannah through the steps on installing a ceiling fan yourself.


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They Walk Among Us

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 7:00 am -

They Walk Among Us(and live)
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64
charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made
a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me
she was Educated and knew what she was doing, and returned
the money again. I gave her the Money back… same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.

They Walk Among Us
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon
for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over
at a little chalkboard that said “buy one-get one free.” “They’re
already buy-one-get-one-free,” she said, “so I guess they’re
both free.” She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the
door.

They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when
one of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked
up at the sky and said, “Where”?

They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want
the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun
rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises
in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said,
“Oh I don’t keep up with all that stuff.”

They Walk Among Us!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day
I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center
was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific
time?” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”

They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through
a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases
were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.
The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!
I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went
to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags
never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because
she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,”
she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?”

They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don’t think I’m hungry
enough to eat 6 pieces.”


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I Like This Cat

Written by chuck on June 30, 2014 – 5:00 am -

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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 6/30/2014

Written by chuck on June 29, 2014 – 10:30 pm -



Interesting Co-Pilot Tag!
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Whatever doesn’t kill you…
Usually succeeds on the second attempt.

Is Mommy near the phone?

Darn good birth control ad

Two girls playing at the beach

I cannot keep the whole litter
Read more »


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Should this guy have been fired?

Written by chuck on June 29, 2014 – 10:00 pm -

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.

From the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’

Caller:              ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect …’

Operator:         ‘What sort of trouble?’

Caller:              ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’

Operator:         ‘Went away?’

Caller:              ‘They disappeared’

Operator:         ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’

Caller:              ‘Nothing.’

Operator:         ‘Nothing??’

Caller:              ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’

Operator:         ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’

Caller:              ‘How do I tell?’

Operator:        ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’

Caller:              ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’

Operator:         ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’

Caller:              ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept
anything I type.’

Operator:         ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator?’

Caller:              ‘What’s a monitor?’

Operator:         ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
                        Does it have a little light that tells you  when it’s on?’

Caller:               ‘I don’t know.’

Operator:          ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
                         the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?’

Caller:              ‘Yes, I think so.’

Operator:         ‘Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall..

Caller:              ‘Yes, it is.’

Operator:         ‘When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
                        there were two cables plugged into the back  of it, not just one?’

Caller:               ‘No.’

Operator:          ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.’

Caller:               ‘Okay, here it is.’

Operator:          ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.’
Caller:               ‘I can’t reach.’

Operator:          ‘OK. Well, can you *see* if it is?’

Caller:               ‘No…’

Operator:          ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?’

Caller:               ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle — it’s because it’s dark.’

Operator:          ‘Dark?’

Caller:               ‘Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.’

Operator:          ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’

Caller:               ‘I can’t..’

Operator:          ‘No? Why not?’

Caller:              ‘Because there’s a power failure.’

Operator: ‘A power …. A *power failure*? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?’

Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.’

Operator:    Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.’

Caller:                ‘Really? Is it that bad?’

Operator:           ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’

Caller:                ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’

Operator:           ‘Tell them you’re too damned stupid to own a computer!’


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One-liners from Rodney Dangerfield

Written by chuck on June 29, 2014 – 6:55 pm -

Some of you may remember Rodney Dangerfield, a comedian who specialized in one-liners. Here are a few of his comments:

Why we miss Rodney Dangerfield and his self deprecating humor.

He said…

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlour.. It was self-service. .

If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, ‘Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?’ She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’

I knew a girl so ugly… they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’

My wife’s such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I’m not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the Fruit-of-the- Loom guys giggling.

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk to me during sex; last night she called me from a hotel.

My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy, I wouldn’t have had anything to play with.

It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning … put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.

I was such an ugly kid! …When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.

I was such an ugly baby that my mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

I’m so ugly my father carried around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through anyway.”

I’m so ugly my mother had morning sickness…AFTER I was born.

I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” He said, “I don’t know kid. There’s so many places they can hide.”

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.

I’m so ugly, I once worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I’d get.

I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said…”Nothing, your eyesight is perfect.”

I went to the doctor because I’d swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, “How can I get my kite in the air?” He told me to run off a cliff.

Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times – three of those times I was reading it.

One year they wanted to make me a poster boy – for birth control.


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How One Shoe Can Change a Family Picture

Written by chuck on June 29, 2014 – 12:22 pm -

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