Lost in the Fifties- Another Time, Another Place

Written by chuck on May 31, 2014 – 4:54 pm -


The older you are, the more you will enjoy this video.


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A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible …

Written by chuck on May 31, 2014 – 3:07 pm -

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left.

“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he aw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

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Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The old gentleman paused. Then he said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper.


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Cop trolls slowpoke driver in the fast lane

Written by chuck on May 31, 2014 – 2:59 pm -


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LARGEST POLICE BUST IN ARIZONA

Written by chuck on May 31, 2014 – 1:04 pm -


BREAKING NEWS

THE LARGEST POLICE BUST IN ARIZONA HISTORY

FOX NEWS CHANNEL TODAY REPORTED THE LARGEST POLICE BUST IN ARIZONA HISTORY….

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police bust

Well, what in the hell were you expecting from me, something serious?


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Lightning rods don’t attract lightning – they discharge …

Written by chuck on May 31, 2014 – 11:34 am -


I always thought lightning rods attracted lightning. I was wrong! Chuck


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Robert Demond Gets Probation For Making His Son Walk A Mile Home From School

Written by chuck on May 31, 2014 – 9:28 am -


If you think we are still living in a free country, you have your head in the sand. Chuck

LIHUE, Hawaii (AP) — A judge sentenced a Hawaii man to one year of probation and a $200 fine for making his son walk a mile home from school as a form of discipline.

Judge Kathleen Watanabe called the punishment “old-school” and no longer appropriate, the Garden Island newspaper reported Thursday (http://bit.ly/1mLT0lx).

Robert Demond of Kilauea (kih-luh-WAY’-uh) said he picked up his son from school and asked about a matter that had been brought to his attention. When the son didn’t respond, Demond made him walk home to think about his actions.

The age of the boy is unclear. Demond’s attorney declined comment, while a prosecutor didn’t immediately respond to a request seeking comment from The Associated Press.

Demond was also ordered to attend a parenting class after being convicted of endangering the welfare of a minor, a misdemeanor. Demond pleaded no contest and said he would handle the situation differently now after the case went through two courts.

Read More


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Don’t pick a fight with the wrong person

Written by chuck on May 31, 2014 – 8:07 am -

Only a 14 second video!


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A woman who does not whine …

Written by chuck on May 30, 2014 – 5:13 pm -

unknown


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Woman in Hot Air Balloon

Written by chuck on May 30, 2014 – 8:50 am -

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.”

She rolled her eyes and said, “You must be a Republican.”

“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help to me.”

The man smiled and responded, “You must be an Obama-Democrat.”

“I am,” replied the balloonist. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are — or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it’s my fault.”

P R I C E L E S S!


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 5/30/2014

Written by chuck on May 29, 2014 – 10:30 pm -


weekend-loading
In hotel rooms I worry.
I can’t be the only guy
who sits on the furniture naked.
~ Jonathan Katz

Kulula is a low-cost, South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously.

Obama

Flashers Eye Candy
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Kulula is a low-cost, South-African airline that doesn’t take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery! And get a kick out of the comments at the end of the photos. Notice the labeling on the plane.

WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN’T FLY INTERNATIONALLY – WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR – SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.

Kulula is an airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula Airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight, (There is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want.) Passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
“People, people, we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

On landing, the stewardess said,
“Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it ‘s something we’d like to have.”?

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
“Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

From a Kulula employee:
“Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

“Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”

“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

And from the pilot during his welcome message:
“Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
“That was quite a bump and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendants’ fault, it was the asphalt.”

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant said,
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”

Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying our airline.” He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,?
“Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?”
“Why, no, ma’am,” said the pilot. “What is it?”
The little old lady said,
“Did we land, or were we shot down?”

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg, the attendant came on with,
“Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”

Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement:
“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”

Heard on a Kulula flight:
“Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing. If you can light ’em, you can smoke ’em.”

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Please tell your friends about Chuck’s blog and OLS
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zzz-ols-5-30-14
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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama

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