Serious friends, if they can make yo buy health insurance, they can make you buy anything.
(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to Obama Flowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you?
(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of December. But I can help you.
(Customer) Thanks, I ordered a “Spring Bouquet” for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife.
(Receptionist Interrupting) Sir, “Spring Bouquets” do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.
(Customer) But I have always ordered “Spring Bouquets”, done it for years, my wife likes them.
(Receptionist) Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.
(Customer) Well, how much are they?
(Receptionist) It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.
(Customer) What’s the difference?
(Receptionist) 6, 12,18 or 24 Red Roses.
(Customer) The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?
(Receptionist) It depends sir, what is you monthly income?
(Customer) What does that have to do with anything?
(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out of pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our Flower Aid department.
(Customer) Flower Aid?
(Receptionist) Yes, Flowers are a Right, everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
(Customer) Who said they were a Right?
(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.
(Customer) Whoa…..I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding Flowers as a Right.
(Receptionist) It is not really a Right in the Constitution, but Obama Flowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court Ruled it a “Tax”. Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a Right.
(Customer) I don’t believe this…
(Receptionist) It’s the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?
(Customer) Forget it, I think I will forgo the flowers this year.
(Receptionist) In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.
(Receptionist) To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.
(Customer) WHAT? You can’t charge me for NOT buying flowers!
(Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income…..
(Customer interrupting) This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $9.50..
(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a ripoff!!
(Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
(Customer) Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.
(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir, that’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?
(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates sir (Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)
(Receptionist) That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling Obama Flowers, have a nice day…and God Bless America.
Posted in Miscellaneous | No Comments »
Posted in Serious Side | No Comments »
Here is a toast to nipples, for without them, breasts would be pointless?
Three engineers got on a crowded lunchtime bus.
There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan.
Looks stupid, but works
New Supermarket Concept
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Posted in Ourlighterside - R rated | Comments Off on OUR LIGHTER SIDE 11/29/2013
Mr. Barton asked some very simple questions.
Posted in Serious Side | No Comments »
A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of
kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his
mother, “There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.”
“How did you know?” his mother asked.
“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied.
“I think it’s printed on the bottom.”
Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His
mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot.
She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid
me, Mom. They’re the only feet I got!”
On the first day of school, about midmorning, the
kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the
bathroom, hold up two fingers.” A little voice from the back
of the room asked, “How will that help?”
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store
and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the
box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
“What are you doing?” his mother asked.
“The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken,”
the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal.”
A father was at the beach with his children when his
four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led
him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
“Daddy, what happened to him?” the son asked.
“He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied. The boy
thought a moment and then said, “Did God throw him back down?”
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, “When
I grow up, I’m going to give you some money.” “Well, thank
you,” the pastor replied, “but why?” “Because my daddy
says you’re the poorest preacher we’ve ever had.”
Posted in Fun Stuff | No Comments »
A cat about to save a man from dying and the house from burning down!
Posted in Ourlighterside - R rated | No Comments »
I wish Alabama was a Castle Doctrine state.
From WTTC News in Dallas , we get this heart warming tale of a long-time criminal, 33, named Deyfon Pipkins, who tried to climb in a window of a private home.
The elderly owner inside saw him and fired one shot, ending Deyfon’s criminal career.
As the police do, they came by, gathered the corpse, then went to notify Deyfon’s family of his timely demise. It seems that the family was upset though, because they then showed up at the scene to confront the homeowner.
“He could have used a warning,” Lakesha Thompson, Pipkins’ sister-in-law, said. “He could have let him know that he did have a gun on his property and he would use it in self-defense.”
COMMENT FROM THE SIDELINE:
“That’s certainly true, Lakesha. He could also have invited him in and given him a beer, then helped him cart the TV out to the curb and into Deyfon’s car.
“Unfortunately for Deyfon , Texas is a Castle Doctrine state, and the homeowner chose to shoot Deyfon, as it is right and proper to do in Texas .
“For that matter, Lakesha, you could have warned Deyfon. Why didn’t YOU tell him: “Deyfon, yo’ needs to quit breakin’ into those peoples’ houses And stealin’ they shit. Someone is goins to pop a cap in yo’ ass.”
Posted in Serious Side | 1 Comment »
Best Christmas song ever. Bet no radio station will play it.
Posted in Videos | 1 Comment »
Isn’t life strange? I never met one Veteran who enlisted to fight for Socialism
Why Nothing is Better Than Sex?
Maxine on Thanksgiving
Coupons for great tools
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Posted in Ourlighterside - R rated | Comments Off on OUR LIGHTER SIDE 11/28/2013
WARNING: After a recent wave of identify thefts, the FBI estimates there are over 500 fake Obamacare websites set up for the sole purpose of stealing your personal information. So protect yourself and remember: the real one is the one that doesn’t work.
Did you hear?
A Marine’s Wife Confesses
Most dangerous animal in the world.
Your memory stick
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Posted in Ourlighterside - R rated | Comments Off on OUR LIGHTER SIDE 11/27/2013