OUR LIGHTER SIDE 4/1/2013

Written by chuck on March 31, 2013 – 10:30 pm -

She decided that she would just kill herself…

Questions

Top 100 April Fools Jokes

Just a few sexy ladies

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Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.?

The doctor said, ‘Your heart would be just below your left breast’.
Later that night………?

Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

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Buying from Amazon? Please click on the link at the top of my blog. This costs you nothing and gives me a few cents on every order. This helps to off-set the of the blog. Thanks, Chuck
________________________

Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it’s in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It’s my job to stuff your box. When I come, it’s news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I’m called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I’m at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Answers, scroll down!

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Top 100 April Fools Jokes

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Answers:

1. a dentist
2. a wedding ring
3. peanut butter
4.chewing gum
5. an elevator
6. a nose
7. a newspaper boy
8. a glove
9. a crane
10. a toothbrush, of course!

Now Really! Just what were you thinking?
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Just a few sexy ladies

naked-women

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

—————
Adult Humor
—————

Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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Fun stuff about Texas

Written by chuck on March 31, 2013 – 11:14 am -

This is a must read for all Texans, Used-to-be Texans, Adopted Texans or Wannabe Texans:

JUST TEXAS
Comfort, Texas
Friendship, Texas
Paradise, Texas
Pep, Texas
Rainbow, Texas
Smiley, Texas
Sweet Home, Texas

Love the Sun?
Sun City, Texas
Sundown, Texas
Sunray, Texas
Sunrise, Texas
Sunset, Texas
Sunny Side, Texas

Want something to eat?
Bacon, Texas
Noodle, Texas
Oatmeal, Texas
Orange, Texas
Pearland, Texas
Rice, Texas
Salty, Texas
Sugarland, Texas
Sweetwater, Texas
Trout, Texas
And top it off with
Turkey, Texas

Why travel to other cities? Texas has them all!
Boston, Texas
Cleveland, Texas
Colorado City, Texas
Columbus, Texas
Denver City, Texas
Detroit, Texas
Klondike, Texas
Memphis, Texas
Miami, Texas
Nevada, Texas
Pasadena, Texas
Reno, Texas
Santa Fe, Texas
Tennessee Colony, Texas

Feel like traveling outside the country?
Athens, Texas
Canadian, Texas
China, Texas
Dublin, Texas

Egypt, Texas
Ireland, Texas
Italy, Texas
London, Texas
New London, Texas
Paris, Texas
Palestine, Texas
Turkey, Texas

No need to travel to Washington D.C.
Whitehouse, Texas

We even have a city named after our planet!
Earth, Texas

We even have a city named after our state
Texas City, Texas

Exhausted?
Energy, Texas

Cold?
Blanket, Texas
Winters, Texas

Like to read about History?
Alamo, Texas
Goliad, Texas
Gun Barrel City, Texas
Robert Lee, Texas
Santa Anna, Texas

Need Office Supplies?
Staples, Texas

Want to go into outer space?
Mars, Texas
Venus, Texas

You guessed it, it’s on the state line
Texline, Texas

For the kids
Elmo, Texas
Kermit, Texas
Nemo, Texas
Sylvester, Texas
Tarzan, Texas
Winnie, Texas

Other city names in Texas, to make you smile
Best, Texas
Veribest, Texas
Bigfoot, Texas
Cactus, Texas
Dime Box, Texas
Old Dime Box, Texas
Frognot, Texas
Hogeye, Texas
Kickapoo, Texas
Notrees, Texas
Telephone, Texas
Telegraph, Texas
Twitty, Texas
Whiteface, Texas

And last but not least, the Anti Al Gore City
Kilgore, Texas

And our favorites
Cut n Shoot, Texas
Ding Dong, Texas
Gun Barrell City, Texas
Hoop And Holler, Texas
and, of course,
Muleshoe, Texas

Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Texas.

If someone in a Lowe’s store offers you assistance and they don’t work there, you may live in Texas

If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Texas

If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Texas.

If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Texas.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Texas.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Texas.

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Texas.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Texas.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph, and you’re going 80, and everybody’s passing you, you may live in Texas.

If you find 60 degrees ‘a little chilly,’ you may live in Texas.

If you actually understand these jokes, and share them with all your Texas friends, you definitely live in Texas.

Here are some little known, very interesting facts about Texas
Beaumont to El Paso – 742 miles
Beaumont to Chicago – 770 miles
El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas

World’s first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883

The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water.
(Destroyed by Hurricane Ike -2008! )

The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full time coach at Rice University in Houston

Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America

Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America ‘s only remaining flock of whooping cranes

Jalapeno jelly originated in the town of Lake Jackson in 1978

The worst natural disaster in U.S. history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.

The first word spoken from the moon, July 20, 1969, was “Houston ,” but the space center was actually in Clear Lake City at the time.

The King Ranch in South Texas is larger than the state of Rhode Island.

Tropical Storm Claudette brought a U.S. rainfall record of 43” in 24 hours in and around Alvin, Texas in July of 1979.

Texas is the only state to enter the U.S. by treaty (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the U.S. Flag

A Live Oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be 1500 years old.

Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in the state.

Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.

Texas has had six capital cities:
Washington on the Brazos
Harrisburg
Galveston
Velasco
West Columbia
and
Austin

The Capitol Dome in Austin is the only dome in the U.S. that is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. (by 7 feet)

The San Jacinto Monument is the tallest free standing monument in the world and it is taller than the Washington monument

The name ‘Texas ‘ comes from the Hasini Indian word ‘tejas’ meaning friends.
Tejas is not Spanish for Texas

The State Mascot is the Armadillo (An interesting bit of trivia about the armadillo is they always have four babies. They have one egg, which splits into four, and they either have four males or four females)

The first domed stadium in the U.S. was the Astrodome in Houston

Cowboy’s Ten Commandments
Posted on the wall at Cross Trails Church in Fairlie, Texas:
(1) Just one God.
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(3) No telling tales or gossipin.’
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Put nothin’ before God.
(6) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal.
(7) No killin.’
(8) Watch yer mouth.
(9) Don’t take what ain’t yers.
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff.

Y’all git all that?


Posted in Fun Stuff | No Comments »

Top 100 April Fool’s Day Hoaxes of All Time

Written by chuck on March 31, 2013 – 9:18 am -

Note from the Curator: I created the first version of this list in the late 1990s. Back then, there was hardly any information collected about April Fool’s Day pranks, so I had to do a lot of research in newspaper archives to put this together.

Read More:


Posted in Fun Stuff | No Comments »

20 Things That Have Changed In The Last 20 Years

Written by chuck on March 30, 2013 – 7:10 pm -

Pizza, cell phone games, Social networking, etc…..

Wow have things changed!


Posted in Fun Stuff | No Comments »

Age Activated Attention Disorder

Written by chuck on March 30, 2013 – 5:50 pm -


Posted in Videos | No Comments »

Stomach cramps to birth of a baby!

Written by chuck on March 30, 2013 – 9:10 am -

Woman who thought she was suffering from stomach cramps goes to hospital… and GIVES BIRTH seven hours later

Read more:


Posted in Serious Side | No Comments »

A few 10 second videos that are very cute!

Written by chuck on March 30, 2013 – 8:38 am -


Posted in Videos | No Comments »

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/29/2013

Written by chuck on March 28, 2013 – 10:30 pm -

A Mexican, a Black, a Muslim and a Redneck were walking…

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.

Sexy Ladies
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A Mexican, a Black, a Muslim and a Redneck were walking together on a beach when the Black stumbled over a bottle in the sand.
He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and a Genie appeared.

“I can only grant four wishes, “the Genie said.
“Since there are four of you, you may have a wish apiece.”

Pointing at the Black, he said, “Since you found the bottle, You may have
the first wish.”
The Black studied for a moment then said, “I wish for a fleet of Ships so
that I can gather all my people and take them back to our homeland, Africa

Poof. It was done. Hundreds of ships appeared on the skyline.

The Mexican said, “I weesh for enough Cheby peekups to take all My people
back to our homeland, May-he-co.”
Poof. It was done. Row after row of Chevrolet Pickups appeared on the beach.

The Muslim said, “I wish for ten thousand camels to take all of my people
Away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live In peace
in Muslim countries and serve Allah.”

Poof. It was done. Ten thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

Turning to the Redneck, the Genie asked, “And what is your wish?

The Redneck watched as the loaded pickups began moving toward the border, then looked out to sea and watched the loaded ships sailing out into the
sunset, then he Looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.

The Redneck said, “Just give me a Bud Lite. It doesn’t get any better than this.”

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Buying from Amazon? Please click on the link at the top of my blog. This costs you nothing and gives me a few cents on every order. This helps to off-set the of the blog. Thanks, Chuck
________________________

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.

Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.

“Olympic condoms?”, she blurts, “What makes them so special?”

“There are three colors”, he replies, “Gold, Silver and Bronze.”

“What color are you going to wear tonight?”, she asks cheekily.

“Gold of course”, says the man proudly.

The wife responds wryly, “Why don’t you wear Silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change.”

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naked-women

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

—————
Adult Humor
—————

Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/28/2013

Written by chuck on March 27, 2013 – 10:30 pm -

The four Goldberg brothers…

Job Interview

You have to like a company that has a sense of humor !! This is a great used car ad – – –

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The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroitwas 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford’s office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, ‘The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,’ on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg’s name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show — Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max — on the controls.

________________________

Buying from Amazon? Please click on the link at the top of my blog. This costs you nothing and gives me a few cents on every order. This helps to off-set the of the blog. Thanks, Chuck
________________________

job-interview

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You have to like a company that has a sense of humor !! This is a great used car ad – – –

used-car-ad

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

—————
Adult Humor
—————

Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/27/2013

Written by chuck on March 26, 2013 – 10:30 pm -

Breakup, it will be easy!

The Fish Hook

Sexy R rated Ladies

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breakup

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The Fish Hook

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.

The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas.”

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I´ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many sales did you make today?” he asked the kid.

Kid says, “One.” The boss says ”

Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 sales a day! How much was the sale for?”

Kid says, “$101,237.64.”

Boss says “$101,237.64? What did you sell him?”

Kid says, “First I sold him a small fishing hook. Then I sold him a medium size fishing hook. Then I sold him a large fishing hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said that he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him a 4 x 4 Blazer.”

The boss said, “A guy comes in here to buy a fishing hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?”

Kid says, “No, he came in her to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, “Well, Your weekend´s shot, You might as well go fishing.”
________________________

Buying from Amazon? Please click on the link at the top of my blog. This costs you nothing and gives me a few cents on every order. This helps to off-set the of the blog. Thanks, Chuck
________________________

Sexy R rated ladies

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this post. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

—————
Adult Humor
—————

Thanks for reading OLS and Chuck’s blog.

Please tell your friends about OLS!

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck
Birmingham, Alabama


Posted in Ourlighterside - R rated | Comments Off on OUR LIGHTER SIDE 3/27/2013