OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/31/2010

Written by chuck on December 30, 2010 – 10:30 pm -

HAPPY NEWS YEARS FRIENDS.

Please tell your friends about Chuck’s blog and OLS
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Quote: Two Kinds of People: There are two kinds of people. Those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.”

A very bad accident happened at the Brewery in Milwaukee this past week.

I met a beautiful woman by the lake the other evening…

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window.

Eye Candy

A very bad accident happened at the Brewery in Milwaukee this past week. Two Redneck workers fell in to the vat of beer on the night shift. One of the men rescued himself almost immediately. The authorities are trying to determine the official cause of death for the Redneck that drowns in the beer vat. These authorities have considered ruling his death a suicide as the official cause of death. They now have a witness that says the man climbed out of the vat twice just to take a piss.
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I met a beautiful woman by the lake the other evening…

There was an instant spark between us and she fell at my feet.

As we laid there, making love, I thought to myself,

”These tasers are well worth the money…”
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I just finished talking with my friend in Minneapolis. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling….

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in…
________________________

Eye Candy

Request: If you order from Amazon, please use the link on my main page. This helps supports my blog and Eye-Candy! Thanks… Chuck

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DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

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Adult Humor
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Our Lighter side is an electronic newsletter published five days a week and sent to you from Birmingham, AL.

Please tell your friends about OLS! Would your friends enjoy receiving “Our Lighter Side”?

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck


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Missouri has NO illegal Aliens.

Written by Ed on December 29, 2010 – 11:00 pm -

AMERICA… LISTEN UP & TAKE HEED!

Missouri ‘s approach to the problem of illegal immigration appears to be more advanced,
sophisticated, strict and effective than anything to date in Arizona .

Do the loonies in San Francisco , or the White House, appreciate what Missouri has done?
When are our fearless President and his dynamic Attorney General going to take action to
require Missouri start accepting illegal immigrants once again?

So, why doesn’t Missouri receive attention?

Answer: There are no Mexican illegals in Missouri to demonstrate.

The “Show Me” state has once again shown us how it should be done.

There needs to be more publicity and exposure regarding what Missouri has done.

Let’s pass it around.

In 2007, Missouri placed on the ballot a proposed constitutional amendment designating English as the official language of Missouri .
In November, 2008, nearly 90% voting in favor! Thus English became the official language for ALL governmental activity in Missouri .
No individual has the right to demand government services in a language OTHER than English.

In 2008 a measure was passed that required the Missouri Highway Patrol and other law enforcement officials to verify the immigration status of any person arrested, and inform federal authorities if the person is found to be in Missouri illegally. Missouri law enforcement offices receive specific training with respect to enforcement of federal immigration laws.

In Missouri , illegal immigrants do NOT have access to taxpayers benefits such as food stamps and health care through Missouri HealthNET.
In 2009 a measure was passed that ensures Missouri ‘s public institutions of higher education do NOT award financial aid to individuals who are illegally in the United States .
In Missouri all post-secondary institutions of higher education to annually certify to the Missouri Dept. of Higher Education that they have NOT knowingly awarded financial aid to students who are unlawfully present in the United States .

So while Arizona has made national news for its new law, it is important to remember, Missouri has been far more proactive in addressing this horrific problem.

Missouri has made it clear that illegal immigrants are NOT welcome in the state and they will certainly NOT receive public benefits at the expense of Missouri taxpayers.
DON’T JUST DELETE THIS AMERICA … KEEP IT GOING UNTIL WE GET ALL 50 STATES TO COMPLY!!!

Here is the link to confirm: Be sure to read the readers comments too.

http://www.ozarkssentinel.com/missouri-ahead-of-the-game-in-dealing-with-illegal-immigrants-p1034.htm

Taken from: “The Ozarks Sentinel” Editorial – Nita Jane Ayres, May 13, 2010 .
If the link does not work, just type in “The Ozarks Sentinel – Nita Jane Ayres” in Google.


Posted in Serious Side | 1 Comment »

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/30/2010

Written by chuck on December 29, 2010 – 10:30 pm -

Request: If you order from Amazon, please use the link on my main page. This helps supports my blog and Eye-Candy! Thanks… Chuck

What is an ‘Economic Stimulus payment?

How Do You Define Handsome?

How to shut a man up after taking his remote…..
Read more »


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I like this guys thinking…

Written by chuck on December 29, 2010 – 6:54 am -

What would be wrong with using
this man ideas?

 

In my opinion, this man should
run for President…. Chuck

This was in the Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX 18Nov2010

Put me in charge …

Put me in charge of food stamps. I’d get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho’s, just money for 50-pound bags of rice and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.

Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I’d do is to get women Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligations. Then, we’ll test recipients for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.

Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks? You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your “home” will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week or you will report to a “government” job. It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing public housing, whatever we find for you. We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting stereo and speakers and put that money toward the “common good.”

Before you write that I’ve violated someone’s rights, realize that all of the above is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this would be “demeaning” and ruin their “self esteem,” consider that it wasn’t that long ago that taking someone else’s money for doing absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people’s mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.

Alfred W. Evans, Gatesville


Posted in Political | Comments Off on I like this guys thinking…

Good Riddles…with Answers

Written by Ed on December 28, 2010 – 11:00 pm -

MAIN RIDDLE: A father and son are in a car accident. The father dies instantly. The boy, in critical condition, is rushed to the nearest hospital for emergency surgery. The surgeon looks at the child aghast and says, “I can’t operate on him! He’s my own son!” Who is the surgeon?
ANSWER: His mother.

1. How could the 22nd and 24th U.S. Presidents have the same parents, but weren’t brothers?
ANSWER: Grover Cleveland was elected twice to be the 22nd and 24th U.S. president.

2. How can you use the letters in NEW DOOR to make one word?
ANSWER: ONE WORD.

3. Railroad crossing, look out for the cars. Can you spell that without any Rs?
ANSWER: T-H-A-T.

4. How could all of your cousins have an aunt who is not your aunt?
ANSWER: She’s your mother.

5. Johnny’s mother had four children. The first was April, the second was May, and the third was June. What was the name of her fourth child?
ANSWER: Johnny.

6. Imagine you are in a sinking rowboat surrounded by sharks. How would you survive?
ANSWER: Quit imagining.

7. There was an airplane crash, every single person died, but two people survived. How is this possible?
ANSWER: They were married.

8. That attorney is my brother, testified the accountant. But the attorney testified he didn’t have a brother. Who is lying?
ANSWER: Neither. The accountant was his sister. (Ha! Got you twice on the sexism now, didn’t we!)

9. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
ANSWER: Dinosaurs laid eggs long before there were chickens.

10. How far can you walk into the woods?
ANSWER: Halfway. After that, you’re walking out of the woods


Posted in Fun Stuff | No Comments »

Napolitano Scolds Reporter for Airing Complaints of Dead Border Agent’s Family

Written by Ed on December 28, 2010 – 11:00 pm -

Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, leaving the funeral of a murdered Border Patrol agent Wednesday, scolded a reporter for asking her to address the victim’s family’s concerns that not enough is being done to secure the southern border.

Read more:


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/29/2010

Written by chuck on December 28, 2010 – 10:30 pm -

Request: If you order from Amazon, please use the link on my main page. This helps supports my blog and Eye-Candy! Thanks… Chuck

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

Proof that Men Have Better Friends…

How to explain inflation
Read more »


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OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/28/2010

Written by chuck on December 27, 2010 – 10:30 pm -

Hi Friends,

My girlfriend, Lisa is having her Birthday on Wednesday. She will be 48 years old! Yea, she is a blonde and she is also a Yankee who move south!

She thinks she is old and no longer sexy at 48 years old.

Click for photo of Lisa

Please send her a birthday wish.

lisa@servicewithasmile.com

Thanks,

Chuck

PS: If there is no OLS Thursday, it is because I am dead!

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________________________________

Minnesota Viking

Tyrone applied for a fork lift operator job

Blonde Password

The Minnesota Highway Patrol is cracking down on speeders heading into Minneapolis . For the first offense, they give you 2 Vikings tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.

Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Minnesota Vikings

Q. What do the Vikings and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.

Q. How do you keep a Minnesota Viking out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.

Q. What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A. An Imposter.

Q. What’s the difference between the Minnesota Viking and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody Knows

Q. What do the Vikings and a possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
________________________

Tyrone applied for a fork lift operator job at a famous firm based in Detroit .

A white man applied for the same job and since both applicants had similar qualifications,

they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

The manager went to Tyrone and said, “Thank you for coming to the interview, but we’ve

decided to give the white guy the job.”

Tyrone, “And why would you be doing that, are you a racist? We both got 19 questions right?

This bei ng Detroit and and me being Black surely I should get the job.”

Manager, ” We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong.”

Tyrone said, ” Tell me now, how would one incorrect answer be better than another?”

Manager, ” Simple. On question number 7 the white guy wrote down, ‘I don’t know.’ You put down, ‘Neither do I’.”
________________________

Please tell your friends about Chuck’s blog and OLS
________________________

Blonde Password

**********************************

DISCLAIMER! There may be errors in this newsletter. Any errors or “typos” you find were also found by me less than 10 minutes after I sent it out. As far as spelling is concerned, Mark Twain once said, I feel bad for the man that can’t spell a word more than one way.

—————
Adult Humor
—————

Our Lighter side is an electronic newsletter published five days a week and sent to you from Birmingham, AL.

Please tell your friends about OLS! Would your friends enjoy receiving “Our Lighter Side”?

Send them this address http://www.ourlighterside.com

Please send jokes and stuff to: ols@ourlighterside.com

Thanks,

Chuck


Posted in Ourlighterside - R rated | Comments Off on OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/28/2010

Seating arrangement at medal of honor ceremony – – very interesting!!!

Written by Ed on December 26, 2010 – 11:00 pm -

This should get your attention

PLEASE TAKE TIME TO WATCH THIS!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/user/claythe1?feature=mhum


Posted in Political | No Comments »

OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/27/2010

Written by chuck on December 26, 2010 – 10:30 pm -

Request: If you order from Amazon, please use the link on my main page. This helps supports my blog and Eye-Candy! Thanks… Chuck

How many people here believe in ghosts?

The Penis Study

Massive Dishwasher Sale
Read more »


Posted in Ourlighterside - R rated | Comments Off on OUR LIGHTER SIDE 12/27/2010